Praising God in the Little Things

June 30 (Tuesday)...time for my first praise report from the oncologist. I met with Dr. Drengler today and he was all smiles. He said I looked so much better than when he first met me two months ago. I guess I did not realize how bad I really was then. 

He was pleased with all reports from blood work. I am a little anemic but this might be because of the chemo treatments. I told him it also might be from my diet change after the colon surgery. If everyone was OK with me going back to my regular diet, I felt I could get that back on track quickly. After all, even when I was full vegetarian my iron count was always off the charts!  He agreed I should be back to “normal” diet but he would also be watching the lab work. 

As for the cancer, he believes that we are on the right track and will proceed as planned. 

I am still waiting for insurance approvals for direct radiation to my bones. The only complaint of the office visit was this set back. He really wanted this started. I hope to start next week. I know he is trying to make this all work and I am thankful. 

The next stop on this ride is another round of chemo in two weeks. We also discussed the pain management and how to slow down the use. I am hoping to drop one dose tomorrow and see how the pain feels. This is so important to me. 

So for now, we praise God for his goodness. I rest and try to build up my strength again.  Baby steps along this path. But following the path is good right now.

Another Trip Among the Sheep

So here I am little Michelle, child of God, who loves the Lord with all her heart. Just as David lived in his youth, following both the commands of his earthly and heavenly father. 

Anyone who knows me from my childhood can tell you that I always try to do what is right for myself and others. My family even called me their “little nun.”  Well, they also called me the Wicked Witch and I have been known as the troublemaker slapped in the middle of six brothers. But I think it is because I have always gone into life thinking we all need to live it to the fullest. No holding back!  

And for me a big part of that was being with God. I was never satisfied with just learning the basics. I wanted to know the fullness of the situation.  I wanted to read the Bible stories to see how the characters interconnected. I don’t think i have ever read the Bible from cover to cover (although I have read the entire Bible many times!) because there were too many times a story would pick up somewhere else in the Scriptures and I would need to track it down. Sometimes one little verse would send me in so many directions, I forgot where I started. 

But I never lose sight of the fact that through all the Bible, God loves his people!  All of us!  The good, the bad and the ugly!  He wants his creation to know, love and serve Him so all is well in the world! 

 

So placing myself in the story of David and Goliath, I am a child of God.  I am living in the fields of this world where there are dangers and obstacles and work. I do not know what will happen next. I do not know how I will protect my little lambs from the lions. But I do know that God will give me the strength to push through the difficult times. 

In my life, I have confronted other difficulties. Funny how most of these happened because I wandered off the path. Thought I could do things in my own way. That if i did not look or act so religious maybe others would accept me. But in the end I learned that i could not accept myself. I remain an outspoken child of God. 

Wow!  So much more to say!!  But I got carried away. I will continue these thoughts later. I am still just the field help out on a morning stroll with the sheep!  

Afterthought...

I am NOT trying to paint a perfect person in my story. Just like all of us, I was an ornery little one who “knew” what was best and let people know it. I was spoiled and knew it. I was loved by those around me and took advantage of my unique position as being the only girl in my realm for the first 8 years of my life. 

I will be the first to say that I liked my unique spot not just at home but at church and school. We lived in a small town and I thought my little world was the best place to be. 

I never tried to be a know it all but I do know that God has gifted me with intelligence and I was confident in sharing my thoughts from an early age. Sometimes that meant I was a blaring horn of I know the right answer.  I am sure my brothers got tired of hearing how they needed to be nice to their sister when I wanted to tag along in their adventures but somehow they would give in. I also know I hogged the toys and made all their boy toys part of my girly plans. 

I am strong willed to this very day. Some would say controlling.  Others would call me bossy. I like to think i still try to do what is best for those around me but i am sure there are other ways to make the world go around. 

The short of it...I can use some knock down in the pride aspect of my life. Just so everyone knows I hold true to what I have said all along. this is no sugarcoated fairy tale!

God bless!

Missed Opportunities

June 27 (Saturday)...  A few months ago, long before the chaos of Corona virus and liver cancer was even a thought, I asked Michael if it would be possible to go to a Chicago concert. One of my favorite bands was on tour and I remembered going to one of their concerts as a teen. So he set it up to drive down to Houston area with tickets close to the stage. We were going to make a weekend trip of it for just the two of us. This doesn’t happen very often so it would be a nice event. 

Then the corona virus hit and the concert date was changed. No problem we thought. Then the liver cancer became an issue. But all along I kept holding out that everything was going to work out for us to go. 

I know...pretty silly but I just thought it could happen. Then the last week just brought the whammy of procedures and appointments. Add to that the uptick of the virus numbers. We knew the best place for us was home. 

So we listened to Chicago hits throughout the day.

 

AND...I was able to do something much more productive. I went to the confirmation Mass this morning and passed out gifts. So glad I was ,able to share that moment with these inspiring teens!  Come Holy Spirit Come!!!

To end the night, I fall asleep (i hope) to: You're My Inspiration by Chicago.  A lovely lullaby!

Service Animals

Woke up early this morning and praising God with music. 

But I thought I would share about my new found service animals of the house. These two are long time pets who seem to have taken it upon themselves to give me comfort. Especially interesting because neither are really “my” pet. 

Scruffy is actually my mom’s cat and lives only on that side of the house. My mom lives in an apartment attached to the front of our house and that is where Scruffy passes her time. 

I am not much of a cat person in my adult life (My brothers are probably laughing because I was all about cats growing up!).  Add to this that Scruffy is a little particular about who she likes will make this even more interesting. 

We are now convinced that Scruffy knew I had cancer as early as six months ago. She would try to come to me and rub against me and I would shoo her away. She would even try to sit up on my lap. I always thought she was trying to get me to leave and i was taking up her space. 

Now that we know about the cancer, she is even more direct. She comes to me and has me pet her on the back. Just gentle strokes as if she knows it will have a calming effect. 

Recently she introduced herself to my oncologist at one of my telemed appointments. She wants to be involved in this experience. 

Then there is our dog, Hank!  He is a 70 pound Australian sheherd who thinks he is a lap dog. He wants to be near me but he is just is just too much dog for me. So he gives me sad looks and tries to stay near by so his presence is known. 

He really is the children’s dog (mainly for our little miss) but he knows that I need special care. He will be there should I need help. 

  

Such sweet gifts of love!

Side Effects of All Kinds

June 26 (Friday) ... the side effect roller coaster has begun. Nothing too serious yet. 

    Weakness

    Aches in joints 

    Jittery 

    Dry heaves

    Nausea 

This Bible verse started my day:

        "In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials,             so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though                  tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.                     Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet believe             in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy."  1 Peter 1:6-8

I had an easy day today. I left early for thyroid biopsy appointment. The clinic was not busy so I was seen quickly. Short procedure that took less than ten minutes from start to finish. 

Then we had time for a bite of lunch before making our way to the colon surgeon. The follow up went quickly as well. Not much to do nut sign off that he completed his goal. Dr. Brandon told me that the next time he saw me would be at a park some day. That sounded like a good way to end our relationship. So, YAY! For one good outcome and happy ending. 

The rest of the day was quite restful. Took a nap. Reminisced with my brother. And enjoyed a nice chat with Lucy in my sun room. She had brought us our meal for the day. Such a blessing after what we thought would be a stressful time. Now I hope we can enjoy a quiet weekend also. 

One other big thing happened today. After homeschooling our children for 22 years, we made the decision to place the two youngest in a local charter school. We began the enrollment process today. What could have been a hard decision was made easy by the outpouring of assistance from the principal of the school. He answered all of my questions and relieved my anxiety. 

And the children are so sweet. They were asking so many questions but mainly wanted to know things like:  When is lunch?  What is a uniform?

Another Round with my Liver Treatments

June 25 (Thursday) ... I had a full day at the hospital today. Covid-19 concerns led to some changes. Michael would not be able to join me in pre-op or recovery. We tried to find a way but once I was in the back I realized way they were so sensitive to visitors. They literally had us sectioned off away from the rest of the hospital in a storage area that was cleared for us to prep and recover. There was no extra space for visitors. 

I arrived early. Tried to find a way to convince them to let Michael to stay. When it was not going to happen, I regrouped and said let’s get this started. The medical crew was the same as last week. They all told me I was looking much better and more energy. That built up my confidence to go it alone. Of course, I know that I am not alone in this. And add to that an excellent medical team, I was ready to go.

 

The space was so tight, we (seven other patients in the area) became a tag team of support too. We were all in it together. 

The procedure went well and all on schedule. Only time will tell if the procedure will take and stop the growth. Prayers of course have been stormed to heaven for good results and I am so thankful!  

Just as I was back in recovery, I got a phone call from the bone radiologist who I met yesterday. Dr. Zubyk had assured me that her only order was to radiate my back bone. Absolutely no other bone would be considered. Now she called and said after consulting with Dr. Drengler, she will be radiating all the bone areas (back, skull, and femur). The only thing holding back this part is approval from insurance. So most likely sometime in the next two weeks. The treatments will be done for ten consecutive days (non weekends). So most likely will coincide with the chemo at times. 

I was released and home again by 4pm. Our good friends (Ken and Mary) delivered our dinner. So amazing the care given to us by friends. Also my oldest brother, Adrian, arrived to see how he could help. So glad to have him here just to talk and help entertain children too. I have some great brothers who are all trying to find ways to help and be a part of this journey. I love them all so much. And those with wives, are right along with them to pray and care. God bless them all.  Now I rest for the evening and enjoy the new curtains put up in my sun room. 

God’s blessings to all!  God is good!

Another Doctor and More Visitors

June 24 (Wednesday) ... Day 3 of chemo but first a stop off to have consult with my newest team member, Dr Zubyk, who will be zapping my back bone in the near future.  It was a nice visit and the most peaceful low key spot I have visited in the last two months. We will see how this part unfolds over the next month. 

Then home again so my mom could have a little outside care from her hairdresser. So thankful that my friend Nancy was able to meet me at home to enjoy a few quiet moments before taking me on to my chemo treatment. 

I had some blood showing up in my urine which can be a side effect. I told the nurse right away which caused some delay. But blood was drawn and chemo continued.  Halfway through the chemo my counselor came and tried to say the blood was other issues. It was frustrating and the other chemo patients probably got too much information about my life.  The poor man next to me, who just wanted a quiet session, got to hear it all!  Special prayers for my quiet Aggie class of ‘85 chemo partner. 

The final decision was to continue to watch the situation. Now let’s move on to other changes.  

 

The ultrasound sounds images showed enough that I now need to have biopsy of my thyroid. Wendi says I am a busy lady and when could I fit in a biopsy. Oh by the way, I already have it scheduled for Friday at noon!  Well I have my final follow up from my colon surgery (I have rescheduled this four times!) at 1:30 across town from cancer center. Wendi thinks will all work out!  Ugh!  God Please help me patient with Wendi!!!  

Chemo went well. I made it through round one!  

Met back with Nancy and we decided we had time to sneak over to a new geocache just around the corner from the cancer center. Yes it was safe. Yes I made the find. I was glad to have a my fingers dipped back into my favorite game!  

Then home again to enjoy the yummy meal Nancy brought with her. So wonderful to have it ready in the crock-pot when I got home. 

The older boys had gone to the movies and just arrived home at the same time I arrived. They came to me and said we had company. Surprise!  Two of Michael’s coworkers (and long time friends) arrived to share a gift basket and flowers from all the coworkers!  What a delightful surprise!  I am now set with a nice bag of goodies and miscellaneous books for those boring moments when i need to feel busy!  And the added bonus of a card filled with loving messages of thoughts and prayers!  Very nice!  Also enjoyed our talk about the beauty of life and trusting God. 

Now I rest and prepare for tomorrow’s radiation to my right lobe of my liver. The fight back is real and steady. Prayers for all to go well tomorrow. God bless.

Finding My Place Among the Sheep

June 23 (Tuesday) ... I had a thought while drifting off to sleep last night. I feel like I am part of Bible story you all my find familiar...David and Goliath. 

Now I am sure that this analogy has even been used for a person battling with cancer, but I am going to put my little spin on it compared to my life and experience. So get ready over the next few days as I flesh it out in my head and get it written down in my blog posts. 

For now, I will just say today was rough. Not because of the chemo treatment. Those are going well and I know that the first round side effects may come later or not come at all. I know that I might see the side effects more as i have more rounds. But this blog is about what I am going through at the moment, not what could happen to me down the road. 

So what made this day a challenge was what happened before and after the chemo treatment. So I will start back at the beginning.  I started out my morning getting ready with a shower. No big deal until what i thought was a small hair ball sprouted legs and raised his ugly stinger at me. I told the dratted whatever to stay on his side of the shower and i would stay on mine. I took a quick shower and got out yelling for my entomologist son to get himself in there and kill that insect. He of course wanted to identify it first, and after proclaiming it was not an insect but a common house centipede I told him to kill it. I had no need to make it common in my house!!!

Then I sat down to place an order for essential oils. They had just had a convention and lots of good deals I did not want to miss with “out of stock” messages. So I started filling my cart and that is exactly what happened. And then it froze up on me. So I finagled the site enough to get what i had ordered and tried to live chat with a representative to see if there was a way to pick up two other items that i really wanted to try. After the chat I was no further ahead but 15 minutes late for my departure time. 

My mom and i got on the road and immediately the skies opened wide and the rain was so hard we could not see the road ahead of us. We took it slow, missed a turn, got back on track, and made it to the center right on time. For those of you who know my mom and I, that means we were LATE!  Don’t panic just get in and get things started. Take a deep breath. 

The time for my mom’s parking lot sitting began at 9am. The temperature was a cool 80° with high humidity. I think my mom’s day was harder than mine. You will see what i mean as the day goes on. So while I was sitting in an air conditioned center having chemo, my counselor from previous day showed up to talk to me. I appreciate the prayers for her from my prayer warriors because she had a better attitude and even apologized to me from previous day. She then told me that I had some more tests for the day so that is why she came to see me. 

Dr. Drengler had looked over my scans again and saw a blip on my thyroid glands. He is not taking any more chances and wants me to have an ultrasound done for comparison. They set up an appointment to follow my day’s chemo. No big deal because it was just downstairs. It should have been an easy exam but I got a snippy tech and I was very uncomfortable. I am also wired and hypersensitive due to steroids. I was glad to have that behind me. 

He had also mentioned at an early consult that when all the treatments were complete I might consider genetic testing done. Now he is telling me that genetic testing is very important and they are going to draw blood to have this done today. Still not a big deal because at the end of chemo it was a simple draw of two vials of blood. I just think I have become his next medical journal entry. I have thought this before and I find it kind of interesting that i am unique enough case to have it down on paper outside of a patient file. Or maybe it is nothing. Time will tell. 

So we got through chemo. Blood drawn for genetic testing. Ultrasound done. My mom has now been at her parking space for almost four hours. Afraid to leave and go anywhere because parking is limited. She just read her book. We need to set her up with her own travel bag of snacks and drinks and time wasting material.  

We went for lunch. Again in the car because going inside a restaurant is out of the question with this dang Covid-19. Then we needed to find a place to go to the bathroom that was safe so we decided to go to my next appointment site. Yay!  It was a big enough place with parking and open enough inside to sneak past the guard dog temperature checking employees. 

Back out to the car for thirty minutes before I go in for my scans.  Now the temperature is in the 90s and humidity is bubbling over. But i have an appointment and all should go quickly. We will be home before we know it. Right?

I go in with plenty of time to check in before my appointment. I sat down and watched patient after patient check in and go straight back and then leave.  But I sit in the waiting area for an hour past my appointment. I finally go up and ask if i had been forgotten. A man in a suit told me that i needed to be patient and wait my turn. I gave a smart remark being on steroids gave me an attitude. It got me no where. OK. I sat down and my name was the next to be called. Alright we are getting somewhere!  

I got a CT scan done on the bone of my right femur. Dr. Drengler is concerned that if this bone is weak I could have a break and spread the cancer beyond the bone. Then I was sent around to the MRI unit to be told that I had an hour wait. Why did I even have an appointment?  I would not be taken into the MRI until after 4pm. Almost two hours after my appointment. I was dehydrated from chemo. I was tired. But more than anything, i was concerned for my mother who would now be in a car for at least 8 hours!!  

So I finally got my turn at the MRI. This one was to check the skull lesion. So just my head needed to go in. Nope!  He laid me flat on my back. Put ear plugs in my ears. Put my head in a cage. Stuffed the cage with padding. And then the tube from hell that kept getting tighter and tighter the further i went in. I could not do it!!!!  Get me out now!!!!  He pulled me out and ask what the problem was. I told him I was so dehydrated that I could not breathe. I needed a glass of water and i would try again. He said he would take another patient ahead of me. I told him no!  I was so afraid if I left that room I would just walk out. It had to happen!  

So he let me drink my water. He put me back in the head cage but did not put the padding around my head. Did he forget?  Did he show some mercy?  I don’t know but it was enough. I just prayed a Hail Mary over and over again for an hour. I must of prayed it hundreds of times. I got through the MRI. I left that building so fast!  

We got home at 5:30 pm. My mom and I were just numb from exhaustion. We did not even eat dinner until close to 7:30pm. We were blessed with a meal from our friend Brenda Mark. 

Then we had our family prayer time and i fell asleep. Missed my night dose of pain meds. I had already missed the earlier dose too. I didn’t care. I was so tired. But i woke up this morning and was glad to get that routine back on track. 

Praise God for what we were able to accomplish. Praise God for your prayers!

Learning the Chemo Routine

June 22 (Monday)... I had my first treatment today with no reactions. This is common for first treatment but one never knows. It felt good to get things started at last. 

This first one took about 4-5 hours. Then the next two days will be half the time. Since I had a good experience today, I should have an easy two days following. Then after a couple of days (this weekend?) I might see some side effects such as hair loss, nausea, vomiting, and aches. 

One thing I learned today was that this is just the first round. These 3-day cycles will take place every 3-4 weeks for six full rounds of treatment.  In between these treatments I will have the radiation treatments and more scans of my body. So not a lot of resting going for me these days and months ahead. 

I was glad to have the help today from Nurse Cindy. Also prayers for my chemo partner (God knows her name) who is fighting an aggressive breast cancer. Also special prayers for my “counselor” Wendi...God knows her needs maybe more than she does!   AND extra special prayers for my momma bear who is doing way too much but insists she is not doing anything. Find a way to give her a break and her willingness to take it. God knows I love her and she loves me. We need each other so praise God he placed her in our home for this time in both of our lives!  

A big thanks to Sandy and Cheri for the meal today and extra help too.  Praise God folks for the things you take for granted. Remember God is good all the time!  He is taking us in this path of FAITH...Fabulous adventure in trusting HIM!!!!

A Fun Way to Spend a Saturday

June 20 (Saturday) ... Michael took the crew to the zoo today to allow me time to rest. They had a great time.  Just before they were supposed to leave, I remembered two events I had hoped to attend. So rather than stopping the zoo trip, my sweet momma volunteered to take me to my events. 

One of my favorite things to do is play a game called geocaching. We have events for various reasons throughout the year and visit and discuss the game. Today the first event was to get together to clean a park trail. Although I knew I would not be able to clean the trail, I did want to attend to see some of my friends. It was so great to be there and breathe from fresh air and talk about something other than cancer. After a short time, I felt the need to sit down so some of the cachers joined me at my car so we could talk. 

Then we were off to the second event!  Same group of people but with a different purpose. One of my favorite caching buddies has worked hard to get to the top of the world chart....Numero Uno!!! And I could not pass up the opportunity to celebrate with him!  Although I was not able to walk the trail to get to the event pavilion, the event host was kind enough to pull out the sign and let me take a picture with Richard (Sparky). He was then wise enough to tell me to go home and get some rest. 

I had my great morning time and then went home to rest.  At some point in the later part of the day, my right shoulder began to have pains. This shoulder tends to hurt most day. However, the pain medicine does not seem to be helping now. 

Please pray for some relief. Most likely this pain is caused by pressure on a nerve.  Also without giving too much information...I just want to praise God for helping me with a little situation that was of concern related to next Thursday’s procedure.  I asked for a small prayer to be answered and God in his abundant love gave me this request. He is so good to me.  Now I am ready to fight this beastly cancer without reservations. 

June 21 (Sunday)... no news today. I realized my mistake yesterday evening...I somehow missed a dose of pain meds in the morning. I got back on track and had a great day today. 

Michael was so amazing today. Instead of enjoying a leisurely day of rest, he finished up some projects that will help make things easier for us this week. 

Tomorrow will be my first chemo treatment. I go in around 9am for a counseling session and then start the intravenous chemo. I should be there for 4 hours.  One thing Michael helped me do was set up Bluetooth earbuds. I hope to listen to music and Bible verses.  I am not sure how I will feel but if I am able I will send out an update tomorrow evening.

God bless you all!

Why Do I Write These Updates?

June 20 (Saturday)...  So I wanted to say something about my little updates. I started these for two reasons. First to make it as easy as possible to get information to my family and friends about my cancer. Second to have a journal for myself of how I deal with what is happening to me. 

I have loved writing for a long time. Although my elementary school teachers (Susan Loffer for one) probably remembers when I did not want to fill a page to complete a writing assignment. Writing allows me a way to digest the details floating around and make sense of them. Sometimes my posts will be a little long or go off track. 

So, when I am writing these updates it is fresh and raw thoughts put out there for all to read. 

I have heard that I am putting up a good front. Showing a brave image. Trying to act as if I can deal with anything. But the truth is...this is as real as it gets.  Anyone who knows me...knows that I don’t sugarcoat things. I tell it like it is. Sometimes to a fault. 

Through the last two months, I have never felt scared or worried. I am not angry or weepy. I truly believe God has surrounded me with what I need to deal with this. He has given me the grace to be uplifted. 

I try to tell the whole story minus the yucky bodily function stuff. After all, even I know one can give too much information. I doubt you want to hear that I got excited about having a bowel movement after my colonoscopy. And who of you wants to hear about feminine issues? Nope. You won’t see that in my updates. I will save that stuff for my medical journal I have going. 

So be assured...if you read it here then I am OK if I say I am OK. And if I am not then I will do the best to express that too. 

This weekend I will be praising God and enjoying the quiet that only a house full of children can give. I am going to thank God for the days that are boring because that seems to be a good thing. I hope you have a great weekend too!  God bless!

The Chemo Treatments Begin

 June 19 (Friday)... I finally got the phone call from oncologist office today. 

Next Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday I will have the intravenous chemo treatment. This will be the full body chemo to help fight back against the metastatic cancer. This is not to fight the cancer in the bones. It is really to wipe out any cancer cells that might not have presented itself at this time.  Thursday I will have the radiation beads through the embolization procedure. This will be done to the right lobe of my liver in hopes to shrink the liver tumors. 

At this time the plan is to follow through with the left lobe of the liver a month later. Also, there will directed radiation treatments to the current bone lesions on my skull, back, and femur. I will also have another CT scan to ensure the cancer has not spread to other areas. 

A big thank you to to all who are praying. Many are asking how I feel at this time. I think the pain medicine is working well. It all makes me very tired and foggy brain. Hopefully the updates I send out make sense.  

Praying for a restful weekend so I can be ready for next week.

Change of Direction on this Roller Coaster

June 18 (Thursday)... I think God gives me little breaks as I follow this path and this morning was one I enjoyed. This might sound silly to those of you who are not moms, but my break came in the form of being a mom to my children (at least the ones awake before noon...haha!). 

I woke up before everyone else (as usual) and puttered around straightening up the common catch all sites. Making piles for each child to take care of when they woke up. I thought about breakfast and decided on French toast. I even got to make a few pieces before my sweet momma took over the task. Then I worked on a geocaching project for one of the older boys. 

It was a “productive” morning for me because I was doing something for my family without taking a lot of energy. 

My plan was to call and make follow up visits with Dr. Drengler and my Dr.Brandon. I also wanted to talk to my finance guy. And I was going to look into getting a shorter hair style so my hair was out of my face while I worked through the next medical procedures. 

I was having a good morning!  Praise God for these moments of normalcy.  

Then I got a surprise call from Dr. Drengler around 10am. I started out telling him that I was just picking up the phone to set up a follow up. But I realized right away that this was not going to be a quick telemed social call to review what we already knew. He was serious and basically told me to sit back and prepare for some changes to the plan. 

He had seen the second CT scan from my Monday night visit to the ER. He had talked to my radiologist. He was very concerned about what he was seeing. 

Dr. Drengler told me that what everyone thought was just a small lesion on my back bone was actually the liver cancer aggressively spreading to my bones. He could see that the back bone is actually being eaten away at just about the spot where I was feeling the pain. He asked if any of my other areas in the bone were hurting me. I told him that I was having more headaches and they seemed to be in the area around my left temple. He voiced concerns about the cancer spot on my right femur. He says if that area weakens i have greater risk of broken bones or falling (not good as this could lead to cancer spreading). 

After we discussed the bone issue, he said the cancer has progressed faster than he has ever seen and we need to take action immediately. 

Basically, I described my new plan to a friend like this:

        "Today all appointments are blown to the wind and when the tornado settles down I will see where             I land."

Dr. Drengler still wants me to have the radiation treatment next week to begin work on shrinking the liver tumors. However, he also knows that I need help fighting the metastatic cancer in the rest of my body.  So he wants me to go through a three day full body chemo treatment. He would like the chemo to happen before the radiation mainly because chemo would have to wait at least five days after radiation. He is concerned that this allows the bone cancer too much time to eat away at my bones. 

So these two doctors have to meet and work out the details. I have to now regroup and figure out how to tell my family we have just been on one of those kiddy rides. We are about to get on one the biggest roller coaster rides we have ever seen. 

Funny story... I hate roller coaster rides!  Even the little Shamu ride is too much for me. But I went to sea world with the family on one the boy’s birthdays in early March. I promised him that i would ride a roller coaster with him for his birthday. The last time I rode a roller coaster I was tricked into it. I was 19 years old (Remember that Ginger?). Let’s just say that I truly was gifting my son this opportunity to see his mother in fear and panic. He picked the tamest ride in the park outside of the kiddy zone. I wanted to cry like a baby but I held together and bravely got on and off without too much trauma. 🤣 

So back to the cancer...I am in the holding area waiting for the new plan. I will update when I find out details. 

I thought I would put off hair salon but my mom was already on the phone making that happen. If you want to see my new ‘do check out my new cover page. It is short and I love it. I know it will only be this way for a short time. I already asked the hairdresser to help me shave my head if it does not fall out to my liking. She is a sweetheart and says she is here for me when she is needed. 

All the crew gathered for a nice homey dinner (thanks to a good friend). We had the joy of including Nancy as our guest for dinner. Then we called the other two adult children (only one available at the time) and I explained what was happening. All I can say is that we are one naive group. None of us have ever been truly sick. So when they compare the side effects to the flu, that does not sound that bad. The flu to us has been nonexistent. And usually we hear about it from other people after they are recovered so we do not know what the flu is like. Aches and pains...nope...we just work through that stuff. 

So basically we are on the fast track for the treatments. And the learning curve is going to be rough. But the one thing I do know. They are ready to help me in any way they can. God will love them through this!!  He is already squeezing me so tight in his hold that I have no where to look but up!  

We ended the night like we always do as a family. For those who do not know, our family has an 8pm prayer time time scheduled every night. We started this when Michael was on deployments so we could pray “together” even from a distance. 

So we had just sat down to pray when the phone rang. My oldest daughter called to find out why we were reaching out to talk to her. God is so good. She and I have not talked to each other for way too long. I let Michael explain the liver cancer. Then we talked about her visiting when all the travel issues could be resolved (she lives in WA state). Then we all just talked about silly things. But it was good. 

Prayers were prayed. Children were off to bed. It was a long day. The good and the bad mixed together. And then i slept. And the world continues to turn. And God gives us a new day!  Praise God in all of it!  Let us see what comes as it comes.

A Practice Round with My Liver

June 17 (Wednesday)...A little disappointed with the hospital this morning. After running a marathon obstacle course with one arm tied behind my back. I got back on track and hoped to start my procedure but due to the mix up and confusion I was an hour behind schedule. 

The worst thing this morning was I was not on pain medicine because they would be giving me their on little cocktail of drugs for the procedure. This should have delivered to me around 0800 but I had to wait until 0930. 

The nurses were very concerned for me and the radiologist came in quickly and told the only option was to get started. He had read the CT scan from Monday night and the pain I am feeling is due to growth of the liver tumors pressing on my organs and nerves. Until the liver is treated with radiation, the main goal will be pain management. 

Then the procedure took place and it went so well. Omar was my hero today. He kept me comfortable at all times. I had a crew of guys who were cutting up and joking the entire procedure. I was under conscious sedation so I remember most of what was going on minus the pain. I could not see the imagery either. Bummer!   

All went well but I had a minor claustrophobic incident after the procedure. I found out I had to lay flat through a special imagining procedure to verify no radiation residual entered my lungs today. I was already aware of laying flat due to catheter but then she put me in a papoose and I could not even move my arms for over an hour with a scanner over my chest and abdomen just a couple of inches above me. The last twenty minutes she released my arms so I could place them over my head. Thankful that the pain meds had helped with the pain with the right shoulder. By the time the twenty minutes was up both arms were asleep. Tums out I will have to do this every time I have radiation. Yuck!  But I got through it and now I know to prepare for this mentally each time. 

Then recovery room for three more hours. I had to drink, eat, go to the bathroom and walk a few laps of a short hallway. All was good. So I spoke to radiologist about my return visit next week. And away I went back to my sun room view!  Yay!  

All in all. It was a good day. Prayer and worship music helped me through when I could have it. God is good!

Another Trip to the Emergency Room

June 15 (Monday)... I was having a good day. The rash that had been so irritating was finally receding. The incisions are healing. I had a visit with my oncologist to confirm understanding of all the procedures coming up. I had lunch with my Mom before taking an afternoon nap (needed most days).  Then I was surprised by a shooting pain in my side under my rib cage around 5pm. It was like a painful air bubble about the size of a baseball. And all the “remedies” only intensified the pain. 

We debated if I should go to ER. But after five hours with no relief, I felt like I did not have a choice. Michael drove me and we arrived to a full waiting room. 

The decision was to have a CT scan to ensure there were no complications from the surgery. By 3am, results were in and nothing unusual in the scan. Their solution was morphine or be admitted for pain control. I told them I would rather go home and try the Tylenol 4 already prescribed. 

Maybe some are asking why I did not take pain medicine to start. I guess it was because it came on so suddenly and I wanted to make sure I did not have anything wrong. Regardless of the why, the pain is now under control and I am resting in preparation for tomorrow’s procedure. 

One thing the doctor did state was that the comparison of the scan and previous one, the liver tumors have grown. Also the first scan did not show lesions on my bones but this one did. So this tells us once again that this is a more aggressive liver cancer. 

Prayers for the procedure to go well are appreciated. God bless you all.

Something is Not Right! But God will Make it Right!

June 13 (Saturday)...last night I told my mom I was going stir crazy. Cabin fever had set in and I was so anxious I felt like my skin was crawling. 

Turns out that was not the problem. I had a reaction to the anti-inflammatory meds they gave me for recovery. It is the only medicine I was taking so it was easy to determine the problem. 

I had broken out in a rash around the entire trunk of my body. I feel like i am on fire!!  I called Dr. Kardys and he took me off the medicine. If the rash worsened I am to go to the ER. 

I made it through the first night. I wonder how long it takes to work from my body?

June 14 (Sunday)... Time to get real here folks because I don’t want people to think I am not struggling along the way. I have a positive out look about my care and know that God is with me. I have said this from the beginning. 

However, up until two months ago I considered myself an independent person who could care of herself and those in my care. Now I am learning that I need others to help take care of me. I don’t always get to choose what I am able or suppose to do. 

This is a hard pill to swallow. I want to be that independent person again but I also know this is not possible. The struggle is real. Add to this the pandemic in which the vulnerable are supposed to avoid contact. I am not vulnerable I say but then I realize that is exactly what I am. 

So as I fight back the urge to do what I want to do. I give up a little of myself. I think about the power struggle within. I become irritable. I don’t like that side of myself. So I turn to the only thing that truly makes me whole. I go within to the deepest place of my soul and give in to the call of love that will help me through these difficult times. 

God is good. He knows me and knows my struggle. He will help me through this obstacle too. It is well in my soul once again.

Now for the Liver!!!

June 11 (Thursday)... I was feeling great and glad i waited to see radiologist. My mother was able to go to doctor appointment with me. He was very personable and easy to talk to about my situation. He had the results from the colon biopsy and said it was benign. Good news!  

So he showed the scans from MRI and PET scan so I could see the cancer and size. Amazing what technology provides us!  He decided we were going to try the least aggressive treatment. This known as a dry embolization in which the beads blocking the artery flow into tumors does not have chemo or radiation. 

The procedure would take place the following Wednesday.  No prep just be ready on the day of surgery. I was ready to go!  

A simple consult and drive to and from the clinic wore me out but we had a plan.

June 12 (Friday)...late in the evening, I got a call my radiologist. He wasted no time. He wanted me to know that he had consulted with Dr. Drengler and they changed the plan. The radiologist will now meet with me next Wednesday to have a dry run to internally measure the tumors and see how my body would react to radiation. Then two weeks later I will have the embolization procedure with radiation beads. The plan is to heal from that and then proceed to the second lobe a month later. 

I asked why the change in plans and he told me Dr. Drengler feels that with all the information available I have the rarest form of liver cancer that is fast growing and needs full aggressive treatment to shrink the tumors. 

Wow!  I guess I am once again going full throttle into this phase!

Going Home? Yes!!!

June 8 (Monday)... I woke up early as usual. 4am was my norm and the nurses were glad to talk in the early hours before the other patients were awake. I was given permission to walk around the hallways on my own. I got back to the room just in time for my surgeon to make an early visit. He again assured me the surgery went well and my recovery was going well. I would be going home as soon as arrangements could be made. Yay!  

He told me I could progress to soft food and while at home eat as I feel comfortable. Yay!  So I asked the nurse if she thought i would be given a full breakfast and she thought I would. Finally a meal and the breakfast on the menu looked like it would be in the soft side so all was good. Then the tray came and i was sad to see just a lump of scrambled eggs, a banana and cheerios. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I was going home. 

And that is exactly what happened. By 11am I was in my get away car thanks to my friend Brenda Mark. Michael was able to work and I was able to surprise the children with an early homecoming!  

I was given a few surprises too!  Michael had set up my sun room with a new chair. I would have a comfortable quiet spot to continue my recovery at home. He also was almost finished with a small home improvement. He said he would have had it done if I had stayed in hospital longer. I told him I didn’t mind seeing it half finished. Better for me to be home.

 I forgot to mention that I got a phone call an hour after I was settled at home. The radiologist wanted me to meet him the next day for a consultation. I was so overwhelmed with the thought of going anywhere that I told his nurse it would have to be later in the week. So an appointment was made for Thursday. 

Things are happening fast now. I am still just taking this one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. I remind myself that the doctors are the experts and see cancer every day. I am learning each day how this is all going to work for my life. Although I am glad they keep my path moving forward I can slow down if needed.

Surgery Day is Here! And Recovery!

June 5 (Friday)... the day had come for surgery. I thought it was amazing to be with the nurses and doctors pre-op. It was like they were all hand picked for me. We talked about large families, home schooling and essential oils. I was felling great and took my little pre-anesthesia cocktail and did not remember a thing until I was nicely tucked into my hospital bed on North 5 wing. 

I would find out later that the procedure was delayed an hour but once started all went well. All was as planned and biopsy results would be available by the end of next week. 

Now I just needed to lay in bed and recover. Baby steps so I could return home. 

I had two of the best nurses taking care of me day and night. They are my superheroes because they knew I needed to rest but i also needed to progress so did not stay in hospital. A good combination that led to my speedy release. God id good.

June 6 (Saturday)...  nurses got me walking the halls. And my bodily functions were doing what they were supposed to be doing. I was off pain meds. And hoping to have a meal for the first time in four days. Turned out a meal meant clear flavorless chicken broth. I imagined it was something else and hoped for something better by dinner time. 

More walking and spent my down time writing in my journal and praying. I got to talk to the family and all was good on the home front. Rest and recovery. 

Dinner brought beef broth with a little more flavor thanks to the nurse. I would hope for better food the next day. 

A visit from a doctor to let me know I was progressing well. Maybe I could go home tomorrow.  I was all for going home if they thought I was ready.

June 7 (Sunday)... up early and hungry. The nurse thought I should stay with liquid diet but she had some vegetable soup with more flavor. I just could not eat the veggies. 

The nurse shift change brought a new nurse on board. My regular night nurse introduced me as one tough lady who refused pain meds and did not watch tv. I laughed because it did not even cross my mind to turn on the television. I do have a high tolerance to pain. I consider the pressure in my abdomen as discomfort not pain. If i can avoid pain medicine I am going to press on without it. Besides it was only painful when I got out of my chair (no bed for me because i hated the roll technique to get up) or when I coughed. 

I had a robotic surgery which means five incisions along my right side and then one along the lower abdomen for removal of the portion of my colon. A lot of healing to happen but not really a lot of pain. 

I met with the associate doctor for my surgeon (he had the weekend off). He told me all looked great. But i would not be able to go home until my actual surgeon had a look at me the next day. He did move me up to a soft diet. What would lunch bring?

Lunch. Not so nice as i was given tomato soup and pudding. Both of these were not on my diet plan. By the time it was worked out it was time for dinner. Then i was brought a full meal that was just a regular meal. Not on my diet plan. So my nurses got involved and i had the amazing dinner of mashed potatoes. Haha!  I took the meal and determined it was time to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. I am not picky and I don’t like to complain but it had now been five days without food. I was hungry!

A Man of Action

June 1(Monday)... I got a phone call from oncologist first thing in the morning. He is concerned about my treatment because radiologist is on vacation and won’t be able to treat my liver as planned this week. So change of plans. He doesn’t want me waiting around for two weeks. We need to bump up the colon procedure. He wants it done by the end of the week. 

I am to wait for a call from the Dr. Kardys. Of course, I have not met him so I will need to have a consult with him before scheduling procedure. 

Dr. Drengler is all about action. I have the right man on the job because I want to move forward also. Let’s do this!!!

June 2 (Tuesday)... consult with Dr. Kardys was short and sweet. All is set for surgery to happen Thursday or Friday. Scheduling will call me. 

From the consult I found out that it is not just removing the large polyp. I will also need to remove portion of my colon. A little bigger deal than I originally thought. But once it is gone they can biopsy all of the pieces and determine if there is cancer deep within the polyp or surrounding area.

June 3 (Wednesday)... the call came in from scheduling. The colon surgery is set for Friday as long as they can find an anesthesiologist. 

So we wait and plan knowing that God has this covered. Prayer warriors in action. Let’s see what God has planned for this journey.

June 4 (Thursday). I got the call that the surgery was a go. Anesthesiologist found. Prayers answered. 

Now to start the pre-surgery antibiotics and the second purge in less than a month. I had my last true meal on Tuesday night because i was very nauseous on Wednesday. Also this morning I woke up vomiting. Not a good way to start this purge but i took as a need for rest and mental prep along with the physical prep. 

It was a long day of yuckiness. I was thankful for my friends who continued to bring food because it was the last thing on my mind.