Sibling Care and Celebrations

August 10 (Monday) ... I thought I would just post a quick update from the weekend. Not really much to say. Basically, I continue to learn to live with cancer. There will be good days and bad days. Some days I will feel tired. Other days I will feel pain. Some days I will choose to stay home and rest.  Other days I will choose to work through the pain and go out and enjoy the day any way. 

This weekend I was able to enjoy my two younger brothers who visited from Austin. 

Then I spent a fun day geocaching after solving puzzles for the coordinates. It was a new series and we had to work fast. There were over 75 caches so it was a tough decision to go. In the end, I decided I could hurt no matter where I sat. Turns out I did hurt a little more than if I had sat at home, but it was too much fun to pass up. 

Sunday we enjoyed Mass in our new location. We weed a small but joyous group. It was also our Little Miss birthday so she was glad to have a blessing from Fr. Martin after Mass. I spent the day doing things to make her sure she had a happy day. A party will come later in the week. 

Now I rest with little to do but wait for healing. God continues to shower us with his love with little joys. May you also look for the joys in your life. 

God bless you all!!!

Calling on St. Michael

One thing that remains consistent for me (long before I found out I had cancer) is how I tend to wake up some time during the 3 o’clock hour every morning.  I call it my fight with the devil hour. Given that 3 o’clock in the afternoon is the time Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. I figure the devil wants to work in the darkness to do his dirty work. Sometimes I stay awake for just a short time praying. Other times I remain awake and pray for an extended time praying for the end of hate and evil that comes to mind. 

Through it all I always begin and end my prayer time in this hour with intercession from one of my favorites...St. Michael the Archangel.

August 6 (Thursday)... I would love to say it was a great day and I was able to enjoy some rest after my third round of chemo. However, whatever was causing me to have a reaction (I still think it is the steroids) continued to fight against me. 

I woke up this morning with a rash on both arms and now down both my legs. The rash is not painful or itchy so I waited to call the doctors office when they opened around 9am. 

I was also feeling very hyped and could probably run a marathon. So I took advantage of that and went grocery shopping on speed dial. I was determined to be finished during the same time little miss was in her tutoring session. Yes, i got it done with Sean’s help. So I guess that side effect was beneficial. 

By the time Nurse Practitioner (Dr. D is still out of town) got back with me, I was about to leave the second store. She told me that I should try taking Benadryl to relieve the symptoms and let her know if anything changed. So I purchased this on the way out of the store.

I got home with my loaded down car full of food. I know all of you caring souls are already thinking i did too much. And at that moment in time i would agree with you. I was shaking from the hyped up jitters so bad that I could not even read the label on the pill bottle for dosage. I was feeling like a drug addict needing a downer. Well, in comes my downer...Benny!  I took him and I was crashed in my sun room in minutes. 

I woke up three hours later and spent another hour in prayer before I was able to get up with any sense in my head. 

All i can say is my body is not used to this “joy ride.”  When I meet with Dr. D again we are going to have a serious talk about these meds. I discussed with mom and I can only think of one other time I was on steroids and that was when I had a severe case of poison ivy on my face. I don’t think these steroids agree with me. We will see. 

Added to the fun mix of the day was some issues that I will deem TMI. So I spent the rest of the day trying to just be reminded that I am a sick person. 

My mom laughed at me when I was curled up in a ball on my bed saying “There are sicker people in the world than I am.”  Her response...”But you are still a sick person. No matter how you think you feel. It is OK to admit you are sick too!”  Oh, I know she is right but it is so not in me to be sick. This is my biggest battle which comes from within to be a fighter but know my limits. 

At the end of the day, I think the meds balanced each other and the rash reaction is gone. Tomorrow I will stay close to home in prayer. And I now have until the last week of the month to rest and have some normalcy without treatments.

I almost forgot about our fun family dinner. August 6 is the traditional day to celebrate the Transfiguration of the Lord. And our family started a fun dinner tradition several years ago. We pull out all the leftovers in the fridge and take turns creating individual meal with what is available. The rule is you must eat whatever you make. At the end of the meal, we determine who had the most creative use of the leftovers. 

We call this our transfiguration leftover night. What better use of leftovers turned into something new and often better!  

So we had the extra bonus this time because our amazing friends brought us such a great salad bar the night before. We had lots of choices for making some great mini dishes!  I think everyone did a great job creating a new meal!  However my favorite was Sean’s quiche!

The best part was it was no work for me or my mom. We just pulled out the food from the fridge and watched the creativity with little effort on our part. A good way to end this crazy day. Yay!

Helping Others

August 5 (Wednesday)... chemo treatment ended better than it began...and so I made it through my third round with little worse than a skin rash. Not bad considering what I see others going through on any given day I am there at the center. 

I praise God for helping me through it. And pray for those who I can as I hear their stories. Today I sat next to a first timer. She had just gone through this with her mother two years previous so now the roles have reversed. She also works for a local school as a counselor and she sees the need to have children back in school so she can help them. She is also determined to help the teachers to have success. God bless her as she continues to nurture while she needs the nurturing. 

Another big praise for my nurses who made me comfortable and watched me close. I made it through the last stick of this round with only a slight hiccup and then smooth sailing. Then the slight rash on my arm in the last 30 minutes of treatment. 

I had a date for the port to be installed for next week but I am going to postpone for a week because I have some special guests coming next week. Nurse Sweetie explained I might be a little sore after port is in place and I don’t want that next week. I don’t have another treatment until the end of the month so I think a week delay will be OK. 

We happened upon our dinner for the evening while waiting for Little Miss at tutoring. It worked out nice for Sandy and Cheri to call at just the right time to deliver our meal so they only had to drive around the block instead of all the way out to our house. They created the most amazing salad bar for us!  And the leftovers are also going to help us with a family tradition for tomorrow. A big thank you to them!  

Spent the evening on my roller coaster steroid ride before crashing into a hard sleep. I am now up just long enough to write this post before hopefully going back to sleep. 

God bless to all of you!

Finding Ways to Make it Work

August 4 (Tuesday)... After yesterday, I was determined to speak to a doctor before another treatment of chemo. Thankfully, my chemo nurse was determined also. Nurse Cindy called me early in the morning and asked what we were we going to do about this problem. I love my nurses!!  

So I told her I was just about to dial the phone when she called and I would let her know the plan as soon as possible. Then I called my radiologist who performed the procedure last week. It took a bit to get Dr. Brandon on the phone due to his busy schedule. However, he was very concerned and apologetic that I was in any pain or discomfort. He prescribed some meds to help with what now appears to be a reaction to the bandage adhesive. I have never had this problem before but I am told sensitivity can occur over time. It does appear to be more like a burn that then spreads across the area. Hopefully the meds will help relieve this issue. 

This conversation happened as I was being taken to my chemo treatment but I called Nurse Sweetie to let her know that chemo treatment could continue. She told me she was going to watch me close because she still had concerns about the reaction on my arms from previous day. Also, she had Nurse Practitioner on standby to talk to me as soon as I arrived. 

We all came together and determined the chemo treatment would continue and see if I reacted again. Nurse Sweetie stuck to her plan and watched me so close throughout the process. I only had a mild reaction that seems to be related to the steroids not the chemo treatment. So we will need to re-evaluate the amount I am given for the next round in three weeks. 

Also, I had a long conversation with the tech who started my IV. It is not looking good for my veins and I will likely have a port before the next round of treatments. I just need to make it through one more poke tomorrow to finish this round. I sure hope he will be there again for me tomorrow. 

While I was in chemo, my mom had decided to find a place for a late lunch. Turns out there is a little BBQ spot around the corner. She arrived after the rush and was able to have the place to herself. The owner even came out and talked with her while she enjoyed her meal. She was even given a hard to resist peach cobbler. She stayed long enough to avoid the hot car for most of my treatment. She told the owner she would be back in three weeks. He said that would be great!  Yay!!!

We were on our way home when we got the message that Lucy was bringing us dinner. The timing was perfect, as we arrived a minute before she pulled up to the house. Glad to give her the update of the day and chat about other things. 

I texted with another childhood friend today and so many memories flood back to those youthful joys and dreams. I think we did pretty well for ourselves being small town girls. Right, Cynthia?  We both are starting another year of teaching with concerns about what it will be like for our students but determined to make the changes needed to make it work. I pray special prayers every day for all the teachers across Texas and the nation. 

A restful evening before calling it a day, which ended with family prayers full of praise and thanksgiving. And also many prayers lifted up for my prayer warriors as we know that you all have needs too. Remember God loves you and is there for you. And know that I love you too!  

God bless you all!!

Dealing with Unneeded Difficulties

August 3 (Monday)... today was a little rough. I woke up with a rash where they entered my body for the procedure last week. I knew I would see the doctor before the chemo treatments so I let it go and got ready to leave. 

My mom had her own doctor’s appointment so she stayed home and Henry took me to mine. I am back to not driving this week due to last week procedure.  When I arrived for my appointment, I found out Dr. Drengler was out of town and I would be seeing NP Wendi instead. 

The nurse also had trouble finding a vein when trying to set up IV for the day and draw blood for labs. This has never happened to me. I have always had beautiful veins that are easy to find and share my life giving blood. Now I am forced to sit back in a chair and pray they find any place on my arm or hand. For those of you who suffer from this problem, I am so sorry this happens to you. I also pray that my veins can repair themselves. Through it all, I tried to remain patient as I do not blame the nurse today for not being able to be successful on  the first attempt. Eventually, she found the spot on the arm I had originally asked her to try and we were back on track. 

As you can imagine I was a little frustrated and I then moved to the exam room to wait for NP. If you have been following my story from the beginning, you know that I have had to come to terms with my respect and patience with NP. Today I realized she was trying to help as best she could under the circumstances. 

She listened to my frustration over the IV. When I suggested I might be ready for a port, she told me she would need to clear this with Dr. Drengler when he returned. This means I will have to go through this week being stuck again each day. 

Then I talked with her about the rash that had only become worse over the last couple of hours. She examined the area and determined it was a reaction to the adhesive on the bandage. I have never had a reaction to tape or adhesive. However, she insisted it was the shape of a bandage. She encouraged me to take Benadryl when I got home and she would order a topical cream as well. Then off I am sent to start my third round of chemo. 

I blame myself a little bit here. I should have been more firm. I could have even insisted on seeing an on call doctor but I wanted to get on with chemo so I left NP behind and continued to chemo. I did tell Nurse D for the day about my concerns and she told me that we would take things slow and watch for any further reactions. 

All was well for the first hour.  Then I started noticing my arm turning a slight shade of pink above the IV line. When I pointed it out to Nurse Diane, she said I should avoid scratching. <SIGH> I don’t think I was scratching. Then fifteen minutes later the arm is completely pink down to my knuckles which were bright red. Before I can get the attention of the nurse my other arm is also affected. She says that we should stop the chemo but it probably is not related one to the other. Maybe the chemo just caused the earlier reaction to flare up.  

Regardless of what caused what ... I would need to stop treatment until a determination was made on what to do. This meant contacting NP. Her answer was to prescribe Benadryl and Pepcid. By the time Nurse Diane had these meds ready, the redness had spread to my neck. Sweet Jesus, help me!  I was not in pain or discomfort. I would not have known the redness had gone to my throat if she had not told me. Although I had felt my neck grow warm. I know she was afraid for the worst. I just tried to stay calm but I also remained frustrated because this concern and treatment should have happened before I even had the chemo treatment. Do I dare to say hindsight is 20/20?  

It took over an hour to gain control of the situation. I am not quite sure how the reaction to my groin area affected the other reaction in my arms and neck. The area in my groin still remained a blotchy rash and itchy. The most frustrating part is no one knows why any of it happened. I sit here at home now and still have the problem in my groin area. In the morning, I will need to decide how I can find a doctor to listen to me. 

The medicine given was enough to convince the nurse that I could proceed. I was glad to make it through the chemo without further reaction. Needless to say, I did not stay around and chitchat. I was out the door running. 

I felt terrible for Nancy, who arrived to pick me up and had to wait outside in the parking lot for an additional two hours. However, she was kind enough to wait. I was glad to be home. But also wired and trying to be patient...not doing a good job!  It did not help that my mom had her own frustrating day with doctors. She had a 10am appointment that was pushed aside for most of the day. She was eventually listened to and prescribed an antibiotic. Please pray for her to be well soon. 

Thankfully, we had pizzas delivered to us tonight courtesy of one of my prayer warriors we have never even met!  A big thank you to the pastors at Sandy and Cheri church. Lyn read my blog and wanted to help. So kind and generous. 

Reflecting on the day, things could have been worse. My frustration comes from lack of control in the situation and not being listened to on how my body feels. Please pray that the next two days we can figure out the problem. I don’t just want a cover up or band-aid fix. I want to know what is causing the reaction.  What changed from the time I was at the radiation treatment?  

Thanks for reading my updates. Sorry this one is so long. So glad we can continue to pray for each other!!!  God bless you!!

The Simple Days

August 2 (Sunday)...  I woke up with energy and determination. I knew the day before was an exceptional day but even with a great night’s sleep i wanted it to be a restful day. 

I did convince Michael to take me on a short ride to a new geocache so I could be one of the first to find. Yay!  

Then my mom and I just had a short list of items to pick up from the local stuff mart. So away we went. We really that it was going to be a quick shopping trip but we ended up in the store for two hours. We realize that gone are the days when we can zip from one side of the store to the other with ease. Although i know the masks are helpful, this adds to the burden. We often go on side aisles to stop and breathe without them. It is hard to decide if one big trip is better or several smaller visits. All we can say for sure is that we were worn out!!  

So home again and glad for an easy meal and restful afternoon. Michael took Sean to Mass. Another opportunity to learn more about God and gather our little parish. 

Then the crew joined each other at the quiet movie theater to watch the original Ghost-busters. 

In the end it was a great day. And I did get the rest I needed. 

Tomorrow the third round of chemo treatments begin. I am well in my soul and I am ready. 

God bless you all!!!

Praising God for Worship

 August 1 (Saturday)... a new month and already a big change. I have been waiting for this to happen for almost 18 months and I felt like I was somewhat abandoned in my desire for it to happen. However, as I continue to learn, everything happens in God’s timing. I feel that our finally connecting with the priest for the new parish yesterday was such a blessing. 

We have struggled for the last seven months with what to do about Mass which is so important to me. My mom and I have continued online video version in order to keep ourselves away from various germs (not just this crazy virus). Michael continued taking the rest of the crew to Mass in person when available keeping their social distance. My mom and I truly miss receiving the Eucharist and no matter how we tried it just did not seem to be possible. 

When I spoke to Fr. Martin, I learned that in order to have Mass available in a pandemic he was going to use the old style circuit method. He wanted to go from home to home meeting the families interested in joining the parish. He would have this on Saturday evening vigil Mass to be the televised weekend Mass. I was happy to offer our home and he quickly agreed for tonight!  We could not have been more excited for this opportunity to celebrate Jesus in this special way. 

We also learned that the future location of our church building needed a little clean up. Fr. Martin would like to have daily Mass on location under the trees but there was a lot of undergrowth to remove. We joined a group of 20 this morning to make this happen. I became the designated photographer and safety person for the group. It was such a joy to be a part of the group and see the property up close. We began and ended with prayer in thanksgiving. 

Of course, we were all worn out but no time to rest. We came home to do some clean up as well. Strategically planned a dinner to share. Then we enjoyed a quiet afternoon of much needed rest. 

Fr. Martin arrived with our videographer for the Mass. We had time to chat as they set up. One item my mom was able to share for the Mass was a set of candlesticks and crucifix that was made by my great-grandfather. These items were used when they were settling in Post, Texas (one of the first families). There was not a local Catholic church so a priest rode the circuit from home to home in the area. We felt these pieces were so fitting for the occasion. 

Mass was more blessing than I could ever imagine. I continue to just be filled with such joy and feel like God knows my desires even more than I do. He shares his love for me in new and amazing ways. And Fr. Martin even offered to make our home a regular stop on his circuit.  Praise God! 

 

We then enjoyed a nice meal together. We stayed at the table long after the meal in conversation and getting to know each other. Toward the end of the conversation, Fr. Martin mentioned that he would offer to bless our home if it had not been done!  Finally...another desire met by this gracious pastor!  

By the end of the evening, we were exhausted and we probably had the best night’s rest. So glad to have such a joy-filled day. And also that I was able to have the energy level needed to make it to the end of the day. 

Many praises for the day. God bless to all!