The following post should be taken somewhat light-heartedly, as I feel that my concerns are mostly unwarranted. So keep that in mind as I update you on my treatment.
So I will admit, I am a little nervous about tomorrow’s procedure. I will be expected to fast from food starting tonight after dinner. Then wake up tomorrow and be at the hospital by 4:30 am. They assure me there will be no delay as I am taken back to prep for the Gamma Knife procedure. I will be placed under a conscious sedation before entering into a specialized MRI machine. I was originally told it would take about two hours; however, this morning the nurse explained that I would not come out of recovery until afternoon. You do the math because something is not quite right!
However, I was nervous long before this morning’s phone call. Call me prideful but I like my brain just the way it is now. Once they told me about these latest tumors, I cannot help but wonder how this will affect my cognitive capacity.
They say I won’t feel a thing. But what does that mean exactly? I will be placed in the MRI and held in place by a contraption holding my head in place that reminds me of the mad scientist laboratory devices from old black and white sci-fi movies. Unlike my previous masks, I will not be able to move in any way. I suppose this is good because I sure do not want them to get it wrong and radiate in places that should be left alone. It is also good to be sedated as I will be able to relax and not think about not being able to escape.
All of this worry probably comes from having too much time in this last two weeks. I felt so puny from the immuno-therapy. I have really spent a lot of time resting. I had a few things to keep me busy but most of it was spent sitting and napping. I suppose that is a good thing.
However, I am typing this from the treatment room. Last night I was feeling a little worse than previous days with pain in my kidney area and feeling very dehydrated. I also had a rash on my chest this morning. This was added to the last week of shortness of breath and the dreaded bathroom calls. I just felt like all of those issues were adding up to no good. I decided I should at least ask to have some labs drawn and get a little hydration boost. The doctor agreed so here I am for an afternoon of fun!
This also gives me a quiet moment to refocus my attention on trusting in God’s plan in all of this. I had gone to Mass early this morning at our altar under the trees just as the sun was rising. Today is the day we remember that Mary said YES to God and she was enveloped by the Holy Spirit in order to conceive Jesus, our Lord and Savior...the Feast of the Annunciation!!
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done according to your word.” Luke 1:26-38
The INCARNATION of our God becoming man so he could suffer for us! And the world would never be the same!!!!
I cannot help but think that we all have a moment when we must say "YES" in a big way. However, there are also many little moments when we must affirm our mission with God in our every day life. Why? Because Jesus has already said YES too! He took away the need for animal sacrifice so that he could be the sacrifice...
Then he says, “Behold, I come to do your will.” He takes away the first to establish the second. By this “will,” we have been consecrated through the offering of the Body of Jesus Christ once and for all. Hebrews 10: 4-10
This is a perfect message to help me trust in God’s plan for tomorrow but also so fitting as we enter into Holy Week. May we all take time to reflect on all that Christ has given for us.
Praise be to God!
Love you!
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