Ending with Olivia...

I spoke yesterday about God's plan....we all have a part in this plan...kind of like the quilts we are making...we are each a piece that must be sewn together to form the big Design.  When I imagine the quilt that God makes, I am guessing that it takes on a free form...like a crazy quilt.  I am sure you have seen these quilts...with the pieces all thrown together in what seems like a haphazard fashion until the finished product is complete...then it is a beautiful masterpiece!

Well, even though our quilt making will continue for the next few days (we started quilts 11 and 12 today for Rachel and Nancy), we come to the end of our blog tributes for those lost at Sandy Hook.  And I cannot help but think that God had a plan in this also.  If you have been reading along with my blog through these tributes, then you know that I tried to connect the memorial each day with something that was happening in our lives.  I really did not have a plan in choosing...just picked the person that most represented the theme of the day.  So, I had no idea who the last person would be when I started these posts.

A couple of days ago, I looked at the last names on the list and realized that I would be ending with Olivia.  It immediately struck me that God's plan is amazing!  You see...seven years ago I was pregnant with a beautiful blessing...we were all so excited to welcome a new baby into our family...however, God in His great design, decided this little blessing would go home to Him a little earlier than we planned...I had a miscarriage.  I was already in my second trimester at the time...we had names picked out and when this happened we all mourned as if we had already seen the face of this precious child.  In fact, we still remember this baby each September.

Now, if you know our family, we never have found out the gender of our babies in utero...we choose names that are similar and wait for the birth.  The doctors never told me if we had a little son or daughter, but all of our family were convinced we were having a little girl...maybe wishful thinking in a home already filled with little boys (and we added another boy after that!).  Her name was to be Olivia Quinn.  She would have been the same age as the children lost at Sandy Hook.

So, you see ending with Olivia today seemed fitting to me because it is one more connection I can feel with this tragedy.  Olivia was a six-year-old little girl who loved purple and bringing joy to the world. She loved telling jokes and sailing with her dad.  She loved animals and dancing with her younger brother.  According to her obituary: "She loved school, and was very good at math and reading. She was creative, loved craft projects and art class, and loved participating in as many sports from tennis to swimming, ballet to soccer, Daisy Girl Scouts to musical theater, and her church’s CCD [religion] program, nothing was off limits for the little girl.”

Sounds like she would have been a lot like our Olivia had she lived in this world and in our family.  I cannot help but weep at the thought that another Olivia is lost to this world too soon.  God's plan...we do not always understand, but we must accept...there must be some good that comes from this...we must fight back the evil with good in spite of our sorrow.  God can lead us down the right path if we turn to Him.

I add a small tribute here to a man who fought hate in our society...Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."  That love can only come from God...and we are asked to spread that love to others.

As I was re-reading articles this morning about Olivia, I realized that unlike the other victims of Sandy Hook, Olivia was found alive at the scene.  She might have been the last of the victims to die on that morning in December.  A police officer held her in his arms and told her that he loved her...the last words she would hear in this world were the words of compassion from a complete stranger.  The words that God speaks to us in the aftermath of tragedy...whether these events come to us in grand scale or more personal...God loves us!   We must persevere...with this thought...knowing that God loves us is sometimes the only thing that can help us through.  So when you are going through your own tragedy in life...no matter how big or small...hear these words whispered in your ear...going deep into your soul...God loves YOU!!!!

Learning from Lauren

Lauren was a dedicated teacher who got a late start to her dream of being in the classroom.  However, she was determined and persevered through school and then a bad economy...knowing she should be in a classroom.  In fact, she died in a classroom that was not her own as she had taken a job as a 'building sub' while she waited for a full time opening.

If you never worked as a full time substitute teacher or know how it works...it is a pretty daunting position.  You never know from one day to next where you will be placed and the students never get used to you or vice versa.  There is no routine...which is pretty much a necessity in a school setting.    On top of that she was not being paid a full salary so she worked two other part time jobs to make ends meet...living with her family...again in the hopes that she would be able to keep herself available for that dream job in a classroom of her own.  So, Lauren must have really wanted to be in a classroom to place herself in this position.

SO, going to that morning in December...imagine that Lauren was settling herself into a classroom of children who were not used to her methods...trying to settle a group of fifteen six-year-olds who were excited by all the talk of holidays and gingerbread houses that they were to make that morning.  I can only imagine as a teacher how challenging that must have been for her and then she finds herself facing the unthinkable!

Lauren died protecting a classroom full of children...only one would survive.  As I think about this as I blog...I stop...and pray for the teacher Lauren was substituting for...the difficulty of learning about this tragedy from afar...there are missing details...ones we will probably never know.  How the regular teacher must have felt when she heard the news!

Once again, I think about the question that is often on people's minds when something like this happens...Where was God in this?  HE knew...in His master plan that this was going to happen....Yet. He gives humanity free will...He gives us paths and we choose...How are we to know that the decisions we make (or don't make) will be the ones that keep us safe from harm?  What life decisions have we made and will not know how those decisions played a part in how we lived?  Or how we will die?

I ventured off too far..I am trying to remember Lauren for her life and not her death.  Lauren was loved by so many...said to be a miracle from the start...as her mother wanted a child so much and had such difficulty in motherhood.  She loved music, dance, and theater.  Lauren was known for her exuberance, her love of family and of children, her friendliness, kindness and loyalty, and her ever-present smile.

An interesting thing happened while making her quilt.  We designed the quilts weeks ago...one of the first...and we cut out the blocks last night to be sewn together today.  We had been trying to modify the quilt designs to our new method but when we saw Lauren's design we decided we wanted to stay with it as much as possible.  For this technique to work there needs to be seven rows of five blocks; however this design only had six rows, so I decided we cold just quilt it in the traditional way.  Then we sewed the strips to the batting and backing...even though the strips were cut to fit according to design (or so we thought!), when we were done...the quilt top was too small for the backing...by one strip!  I don't know if I am making sense to you as you read...but let me say that this was a big surprise!

To make it even more surprising...I looked to see if we would have enough scraps (as I had already used most of the material for the design we created) and there were just enough pieces to add the seventh row and the correct pieces to make it look like it was supposed to be a part of the design.  I am posting a picture of the completed quilt...the top row is the add on...I suppose a quilter would say that it is off balance but I think it still works.  And, we cannot help but think it needed to be this way.

Where is God in this tragedy?  I think He is here guiding us as we make these memorial quilts and with all the others who send their love and support for the families of those lost.  And I think He was there with Lauren and the others on that morning in December.  Praise God!

In Memory of Madeleine

Madeleine is described as a quiet, shy little six-year-old.  She loved flowers, dogs, and like most children her age, she loved running around and dancing!  She was full of life and loved to help others.

When designing the quilt for Madeleine, we knew we wanted to capture the love for bright flowers.  We had read that her love for flowers matched her personality...bright, cheerful and bringing joy to others.   I have not learned to sew curves ... my only option is to applique the pieces that make the curve of the flower onto a larger piece of material.  We have not made her quilt so I am open to ideas to make this happen.

We have a slow day today, so we are hoping to get a lot of quilting done today.  So, I leave my post short today with that hope.

Remembering Jack

I have a late post today because it has been a full day out and about for our family today.  However, Jack was not far from our minds as we knew he was to be remembered today on my blog post.

I started the day early...putting together another quilt before most of the house was awake.  Edward came down just as I had the fabric blocks set up to sew and he helped with the straight stitches.  I enjoyed this quilt because I think I am finally getting into a rhythm of sewing again and it turned out nice.  I did use a different material for the backing and realized too late that it is not quite big enough to use a technique I have for easy binding, but it was worth the switch to make this quilt unique for the family of the little girl it will be sent to in Newtown.

I got this quilt completed just before I was to head out the door to meet a prayer group in front of Planned Parenthood.  This group meets weekly to pray for the end to abortion in our nation and throughout the world.  I had been a part of this group until I had too many wild boys and not enough hands.  Now that Michael is back in town, I felt like I could spend some time in prayer with them.  I often go out sporadically on my own but it is nice to have a group (where two of three are gathered in His name!)

After praying with the group, they told me some disturbing news...a doctor has been regularly coming to the clinic on Friday afternoons.  Until this time their nurse practitioner has taken care of all the medical paperwork...our clinic does not perform surgical abortions...we pray that it never starts...this appearance of a doctor does not look good.  One of the women knows the doctor by sight and asks what we should do about it...I volunteer to talk with his pastor in hopes he will talk to the doctor.  Please pray with me that we are wrong and that his pastor will explain why connection with Planned Parenthood often leads to abortion.

I then met up with the rest of the family.  We were going to a stage presentation of Huck Finn.  I thought of Jack and his love for adventure and all things related to boyhood...I am thinking he would have enjoyed the telling of this adventurous boy, Huck.  I also thought Huck, had he 'lived' in our time would have enjoyed a nice game of soccer or football with Jack.

The way the play was presented...we saw a grown up Huck remembering when he was young...it had a more subdued mood with the audience captured into the emotions of the scene.  The theme was that of regret...Huck choosing to change the story to avoid the reality of his consequences.  It made me think about how the family of the children must relive that morning trying to decide if there was a way to avoid reality.  It is not uncommon to use this coping mechanism within our mind to avoid an emotional event.  I stop and pray that Jack's family finds a way to grieve in a healthy way.

We have been cooped up in our house for so many days (due to illness and weather)...I decided to send the boys out to play when we got home.  It is so nice to hear them running around outside playing together.  I can not imagine hearing their play without one of them present.  They each bring something to the mix...making the interplay so fun to hear.  I stop and enjoy this...appreciating the moment...knowing they are growing up and these days are so short in the scheme of things.  It reminds me of a song..."Let Them Be Little" that I heard today.  I like to play this song on the days when I am thinking they need to grow up or wish they were quieter...maybe I should listen to it more often...LOL!

I am now listening to the boys prepare dinner as I type this post.  They really are a good group of boys when they want to be {WINK}....so it has been a good day...maybe we will even get a head start on another quilt after the meal.  Hoping we can enjoy this last week of our school break.  Have I said this yet?  I love having my family all back together...I love  them all so much and proud to be a wife and mom...even on those hard days when I wonder how I got here...LOL...life is good....Praise God!

Dylan Delivers a Powerful Message

Dylan was a young six-year-old known for his smile and his kindness to others.  He played computer games, loved the color purple, seeing the moon and chocolate.

Dylan and his favorite teacher, Anne Marie, deliver a powerful message of unconditional love.  Dylan was a special needs child who loved people.  He especially loved Anne Marie, having a picture of her on the frig at home that he would point at often.  He was learning to read and so proud of this new skill, and his favorite teacher was right there helping to make this happen.  I suppose it is no surprise that Dylan was with Anne Marie on the morning of the tragedy.  They were just going about their day like any other.  And it should not be any surprise that a teacher, loved so much by her student, would risk her own life in the effort to save Dylan.  Unconditional love was abound on that fateful morning.  Dylan died wrapped in the arms of his beloved teacher, Anne.

In fact, all the teachers who worked with Dylan at Sandy Hook were killed on that day trying to protect him and the other children in the school.  This did not go unnoticed by Dylan's family as they spoke of them at his funeral as well, stating: "Though our hearts break for Dylan, they are filled with love for these beautiful women [Dawn, Anne Marie, Vicki, Mary, and Rachel] who all selflessly died trying to save our children."

So, although it is easy to be cynical in a world that allows the death of such innocent children and women willing to show unconditional love, we cannot allow ourselves to be discouraged.  We need to work together to find peace.  In my Bible readings this morning, this was drilled home, "Encourage yourselves daily while it is still 'today,' so that none of you may grow hardened by the deceit of sin." (Hebrews 3:7-14)

May we also learn from their lives lost and find ways to show love to others.  Unconditional love...the kind that is spoken of by Jesus, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

Starting Anew with the Help of Charlotte

Yesterday I had a "BAD" day!  I cannot explain it but it seemed like everything I touched turned out wrong.  The quilt we were working on needed to be picked out a dozen times...even then it did not turn out as well as we had hoped.  This child's quilt had a fish outline that we were quilting on to one corner.  I am convinced that this fish must have a big significance to the family, and Satan did not want that fish there.  Call me crazy but I battled with my machine the entire time I worked on that fish outline...A LONG TIME and I almost gave up....BUT as soon as it was completed all the problems I was having with my machine and thread stopped!  So glad I persevered and was able to make that happen.

Then I took Amanda to an orientation, but decided to take a side trip to let Henry take a picture of a tree (photography project he is working on).  When I pulled off to the side of the road to let him take his pictures (took less than two minutes) the car would not budge....we were STUCK!!!  No matter how hard I tried to get out...the tire went in deeper.  I had to call Michael...who had to call a tow service to pull us out!  Thankfully, we were able to take the second car...Michael stayed with the stuck car...but we barely got Amanda to her orientation.  We all got home around the same time and had a late dinner, which meant a late night before getting everyone settled in bed.

By the end of the day, I was a basket case...my family wanted nothing to do with me...I was mad at myself and taking it out on everyone else.  Not a good way to spend a leisurely day in January after just getting my husband back and getting over illness.  I do not know why the day turned out this way, but I woke up this morning and was reading about little Charlotte (the child we will remember today) and I am more determined than ever to start anew that there is no excuse to waste a day not knowing when the last will come.

Charlotte was a six-year-old who had a love for animals...ALL animals...and dreamed of being a veterinarian one day.  Her last request...actually insistent begging...was to wear her new pink dress and boots to school...which her mother finally relented and allowed Charlotte to do.  As you can imagine any little girl doing, I am sure she was strutting around showing off her new outfit to her friends that morning.  She did not have a care in the world and was happy in the moment.  Those who knew her said she was an outgoing, mischievousness little girl who loved life.  I thought it was interesting that in the reports about her, I came across a story about a song she loved to hear...'Home' by Phillip Phillips.  I am not saying this is the most profound song in the world but it did make me realize (again!) that I am not alone on this journey.

You know...looking back at yesterday...it really was not that bad...I had no reason to get upset.  I let the errors of the day get the best of me.  In the end, the quilt was completed....the car got out of the mud...Amanda got to her meeting...and we are all together as a family and well again.  Looking at the positive and learning to appreciate the good...being patient with life...I need to learn these lessons....oh how I wish I did not have to repeat the course over and over again!  Reading from Hebrews this morning helped me realize that even in my errors I would be OK.  You see..."[Jesus] had to become like his brothers and sisters in every way,...Because he himself was tested through what he suffered,
he is able to help those who are being tested." (2:14-18)

So, when I am being tested, I am going to try to remember that Jesus is there with me...and place his name upon my lips in prayer instead of trying to ride the roller coaster of life alone and knocking everyone else aside along the way.  Please, Lord, help me to remember this promise!  Amen.

Our Lady of Prompt Succor and Jesse

After the last few days of illness, I have talked about the desire to rid our home of these demons in a some what jovial manner.  However,  I have to admit that it seems there is a force working against us.  Brendan continues to have a rash from the medicine reaction however he seems to be feeling better....the doctor called late in the evening to tell us that his white blood cell count is severely elevated and we were told to return to the doctor's office for further testing this morning if he was not well.  We are hoping that we are past the worst of it.  We have all become quite weary from the experience and will be glad for the day when Brendan is completely well again.

The thought that this illness somehow relates to the feast of the day and the making of the memorial quilts might seem like a stretch; however, I cannot help but feel a sense of gratitude for the grace God gives to us through intercessory prayer (a prayer or petition to God in behalf of another).  We have been thankful for all the prayers from family and friends.  There are many times throughout history when faced with the impossible, the prayers of the faithful brought about miracles.  And there is no better person on earth or in heaven to ask for assistance in prayer than Mary, Mother of God.  

The continuous action of Jesus' mother through her intercession to her Son, as seen in the events leading up to the presentation of Mary as Our Lady of Prompt Succor.  Maybe you have heard of some of these historical events but not the 'rest of the story,' so here is a quick account.

It all started with a group of French nuns (Ursuline nuns to be exact) in 1802.  The nuns were trying to find a way to continue their order in New Orleans with the plea for more nuns from France.  Their request was granted and they placed a statue of Mary in their little chapel with the name of Our Lady of Prompt Succor in honor of their prayers being answered (succor means "to give aid or assistance during difficult times").  In 1812, a fire was taking over the city of New Orleans and on quickly on the path to destroy the Ursuline convent.  The nuns once again prayed to Our Lady asking for her intercession, and the winds began to blow from the opposite direction sending the flames away from the buildings!  And, in 1815...during the Battle of New Orleans...the British were sure to have a victory over the dwindling American Army led by Andrew Jackson.  The Ursuline nuns again began their fervent prayers asking for peace.  As Mass began the battle raged around the city but before the Mass was ended the news came that Jackson had defeated the British in an amazing and surprising victory!  So awesome!!!!

So today we are asking Our Lady of Prompt Succor to ask God's continuing graces to come to the families of Newtown.  

Today we remember Jesse...known as 'the little soldier' and 'the cowboy,' he had been hidden away in a closet but chose to leave in order to try to save his teacher and fellow classmates.  Can you believe the bravery of this sweet six-year-old?  A little boy who loved horses and being on the farm as well as learning about numbers...he was brave and courageous to the end.  We decided to create a barn from all of his interests, including a panel with super heroes to show that we know he was a hero also.  May his soul rest in peace!