Hoping for Nancy's Peace

I know that Nancy has been set aside in most reports of the victims of December 14th in Newtown.  I have read the number of deaths...26 innocent lives lost...many times as I looked over the articles to learn more as we make our memorial quilts.  I have also read the articles that explain the reason for this lower count of lives lost...mostly the excuse is that Nancy did not die at Sandy Hook...or that the public is outraged by Nancy's mothering skills (leaving weapons available for Adam) or the media has decided to not focus on anything related to Adam.  All of these excuses for Nancy not being considered a victim are ludicrous.

So, when we began our memorial quilt project, Nancy was on our list and we designed a quilt for her as well.  It has been harder to obtain information about her, so I am sure our design does not represent Nancy like we had hoped.  We know that she loved to play games and garden.  We know that she loved Adam and wanted to help him.

Over the last few weeks, I have actually had a desire to reach out to Nancy...knowing that I cannot...knowing that there are others in the same position who hide themselves away from the scrutiny of others...knowing that we could have spent time relating to each others struggles.

You see...our family has a child with special needs...autism...Asperger's Syndrome...the doctors never seem to want to be specific and we have never really pushed to put a label on our child.  We have spent most of his life trying to find answers that will help him...we have heard the ad campaigns to seek early intervention...begged for assistance and found nothing that benefits his needs.  We have been told countless times that WE...as parents...should seek parenting classes only to be told to be patient with his needs.  We have placed him on various medicines only to have a child so depressed or drugged that he is no longer a child but a zombie.  We have driven miles to a doctor because there are no specialists in our area.  We work so hard to help him understand the needs of others and how to be aware of his surroundings...but how do you teach a child to walk across a room without bumping into something or someone?  How do you teach a child to be aware of pain when he has such a high threshold to pain that he can burn himself repeatedly and think nothing of it (just one example of his pain tolerance)?

How do you explain to others that what they are seeing in our child is not something to stare at in disbelief but realize that it is who he IS?  Because in spite of his oddities, he is a loving and caring child who wants to give hugs and cares so much about others...even when they treat him different he is friends with everyone he meets.  He is intelligent and has a memory of facts that would blow your mind.  He loves to talk about his favorite topics to the point of annoyance...mainly because he has such a tunnel vision for his interests that he does not realize that you might have some input....many a one-sided conversation in his life.

I once told a friend of mine...as a parent it is difficult to have a child with an 'invisible' handicap.  I am almost jealous of the parent with a child in a wheelchair because they at least have a visible sign that others can relate to in a handicap.  When you have a child who looks 'normal' you tend to get people giving you looks of disappointment or disapproval.  And believe me it has happened to us...the ones who are complete strangers...I can blow those off as ignorance...but when the looks come from family and friends it is hard and it hurts.

It is a hard life having a child who unawares causes pain or disturbance in others.   You spend a lot of time apologizing for their quirks...you spend a lot of time avoiding situations that put you in an awkward position.  For instance, we do not go to a lot of big events because we do not know when he will be over-stimulated and loose control of his emotions.  We avoid TV and flashing colors and sports.  This is not a pity party...this is reality...we have had to learn to adapt to his needs.  However, there are many activities that we avoid that our other children would enjoy because we know it would be too hard to control him.

So...when I think of Nancy, I know that it must have been hard for her, especially after she lost the support of her husband and older son.  I know that she must have kept her fears and concerns about Adam to herself so she could enjoy a little bit of 'normal' life without worrying about Adam.  I know that in spite of this time away, she must have always had in the back of her mind..."Is Adam going to be OK while I am away?"

Was Nancy a victim?  Yes...I see her as a victim of society.  A society that was willing to help her when she had an odd quirky child, but once he left school (became an adult), she was left to deal with him on her own.  A society that will never fully accept a child grown into an adult who is not 'normal' or 'perfect'...fitting a mold that no one can fill...much less a person who does not understand the typical social skills of that society.

SO...what where do we go from here?  Do we blame the guns?...bad parenting skills?...dead beat dad that abandons his family?  Do we place all these children into homes?...or medicate them into oblivion?   All of these aspects have been addressed...not just with Adam and Nancy...but through other scenarios as well.

Why not embrace these children for who they are?  Accepting them for their strengths and assisting them through their weaknesses...just like YOU would want others to accept you.  It brings to mind a simple Bible verse...you all know it...it has been taught to the smallest of children..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" (Luke 6:31)  These children (and adults) are just like any of us...they want to be accepted for who they are...imagine yourself in their shoes...but most of all treat them with the respect and dignity that you would want to have given yourself.  Because the numbers are increasing...stats come back year after year of the increase in numbers of autistic children.  These children will be the adults of our society and they have strengths that they bring to society.  So they might act a little different than you expect...maybe they will even seem a little self-centered.  In actuality they just do not understand your nuances and need to be guided into adulthood.  They need a transition into adulthood beyond the norm.

I don't have the answers...we are still working through these ideas ourselves.  Try to be patient with us as parents...we want the best for our children as well.  Nancy wanted to help Adam, and she gave up her life long before she was killed by her son.  She did this willingly...I am sure she had no regrets...I pray that she now has peace.  I pray that God has taken away her sorrows.  But most of all I pray that she will be understood in this world...because she is not alone in her struggles...there are so many of us left to fit the pieces together for our own children.  I pray that one day we can accept ALL children and not judge what we do not understand.  May God bless all parents of special needs children with loving patience.  May we pay tribute to Nancy's life by helping another parent in need.

SIDE NOTE:  All our memorial quilts were given an angel to represent their guardian angel that carried them home...Nancy's quilt was given two...we continue to hope in God's mercy for Nancy AND Adam.

Welcoming the Wise Men

The last few years, a common phrase has become popular during this time of year..."Wise men still seek Him."  I love the turn of phrase and its deep meaning for this special feast day.  It is kind of a confusing holiday...is it Christmas or not?  It is still within the Christmas season, but it is not one of the 12 days of Christmas (the season actually lasts until the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord...some even stretch it to the Presentation of the Lord on February 2nd...more on both of these feasts later).

The real reason for this feast is to present the first revelation (or the actually meaning being manifestation) of Christ to the Gentile world.  Jesus really does come for salvation of ALL people!  This is the culmination of the Christmas season; however, at one time this was the feast of the nativity celebrated on the Eastern Church.  The Western Church did not celebrate Christmas until the sixth century.

In our own home, we moved the wise men along their journey around our house to the manger scene.  We also made a special meal and invited guests to our home for dinner.  We try to choose families who  do not celebrate the Christ in Christmas...choosing each year seems to happen with a little nudge from above.  I really leave it to prayer and see what happens.  This year we were able to have an elderly lady from our former church.  She called yesterday to check on us and I felt the urging to invite her.  It turned out that she would have been all alone.  Not only were we able to enjoy a meal and conversation with her, but sent a meal home with her as well.  We also invited Amanda's friend and mother to join us.  It really worked out because Amanda was going to their house to visit and I did not want her to miss our special family meal.  What better way to have the best of both worlds...more company and family!

Traditionally the home is blessed for the new year...blessing each door with a special prayer to bless all who enter the home.  We also have a special King's cake or bread made (I ran out of time this year as we just got home and had to sort out things after being away!).  The idea is to place a baby Jesus in the cake or bread...whoever finds the baby in their piece is especially blessed in the new year and is seated at a place of honor for the remainder of the day.  It is a fun custom that everyone enjoys.

In all of this festive celebration, we have not forgotten our remembrance of those in Newtown.  In fact, I had one of these special souls on my mind most of the day.  Vicki was one the teachers who had the grace and strength to protect her students...giving her very life for their safety.  She had placed her students in a closet when the shooter came into her classroom.  Supposedly, she had him convinced the students were in another part of the building, but they became frightened and tried to flee.  Vicki and these children were killed; however, seven students survived and told this story.

I especially thought of Vicki because she loved Christmas so much.  I read an article about how Vicki loved to decorate for Christmas so much that no one else dared taken the 'job' away from her.  How much harder it will be for her family to decorate with her gone!  I pray that her parents and siblings found peace in their memories during this holiday season through the Great Consoler.

Vicki was so filled with life...still living with her parents...she was very close to her parents and siblings.  Vicki loved to play jokes on her siblings, and she always wanted to be known as the 'fun' teacher. Yet, when she needed to take on danger she showed great courage and will always be remembered as a hero.

When designing the memorial quilt for Vicki, we tried to focus on the things she loved the most, especially her love for the color green flamingos, and Christmas.  Once again it seems to difficult to place just a small part of a life on a quilt.  We just pray it will bring to mind a small way to cherish her memory.

All Purple for Little Josephine

...with a splash of lemon for her love of lemonade stands.  That is what we decided to do for this kind 6-year-old who spent her life loving everyone she met and being loved in return.  Josephine is shown in pictures with a beautiful smile that seems to let everyone know that all was going to be OK.  She was born with autism but she did not let that stop her from lighting up a room and showing that God has a plan for everyone's life.

She was known as "Joey" to family and friends, and she loved the color purple...a symbol of passion...Josephine had a passion for life.  In spite of her inability to speak, she showed her personality in her actions.  Josephine had turned seven just days before the shooting but had not celebrated with a party because she was waiting for the weekend.

Her family tells how they face the reality of her death knowing that she is at peace and without suffering....stating, "Our innocent, trusting little girl stared into the face of unimaginable evil and overcame it in Christ. She was not alone in her courage."  What a powerful witness of faith from Josephine's family.

The saint for today...St. John Neumann...had great faith in God as well.  He desperately wanted to be a priest, but surprisingly the countries of Europe were in no need of priests in the early 1800s.  He would spend many years seeking his place in God's plan as he felt the calling to serve the Lord.  He finally found this calling fulfilled in the United States, as he went to seminary in New York.  He would then travel around this area of our young country establishing churches and schools.  He later became a bishop leading his diocese in educational endeavors as well as their spiritual needs.  He worked very hard for the Lord...finally collapsing in the streets of Philadelphia in his desire to do the most in his short life of 48 years.

When I look at these two seemingly different lives of Josephine and John Neumann, I cannot help but see a very important similarity...their great love for God and the desire to do their most to spread the Love that can only exist through unconditional giving of oneself for that Love.  I pray that we might all find a way each day to share that same kind of love and faith to others.

Today is the TWELFTH day of Christmas!  The days went by so quickly!  The twelve drummers drumming bring us the rhythm that our lives should follow as we march onward as Christians....representing the 12 key points that are the core of Christian beliefs.

 I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
    the Maker of heaven and earth,
    and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
    born of the virgin Mary,
    suffered under Pontius Pilate,
    was crucified, dead, and buried;
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead;
He ascended into heaven,
    and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
    from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Ghost;
    the holy church;
    the communion of saints;
    the forgiveness of sins;
    the resurrection of the body;
    and the life everlasting.
Amen.

May we try to understand these teachings so we can lead a stronger witness in our lives...much as Josephine and St. John Neumann give as example in their lives.

Today we are home from our holiday trip...we enjoyed our time with family.  I have the joy of spending the morning at a class studying about the Vatican II Council, the Catechism and the Creed.  I thought it was a fitting topic for the day.  Amanda graciously volunteered to enjoy the morning with her brothers so I could attend this class.  I will try to update the post at the end of the day with all that I learn.

We will then spend the afternoon preparing for our Epiphany guests (more on this tomorrow!).  May God bless you as you go about your Saturday adventures.

Anne Marie Remembered

Today is the feast day of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.  She is the first native-born American acknowledged as a saint.  She is a special saint to us because she is known for her work in education, especially for underprivileged children.  She founded the American Sisters of Charity, a community of teaching sisters which began Catholic schools throughout the United States.

Our home school is dedicated to her witness of faith.  I often think of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton for an example of patience when I am struggling with my own dear students.  I need all the help I can get to be the best teacher for my children.  Praying today that we will continue to enjoy our break and then start back fresh for the second half of our school year.

This reminds me of another Ann...Anne Marie...another educator who spent her shortened life to bring the best to her classroom.  She spent much of her teaching career helping students with special needs, especially focusing on autistic children.  She is the epitome of sacrificial action, as she was found wrapped around a child (Dylan) in a desperate attempt to save his life.  Anne has been praised for this final selfless act; however, I cannot help but think that Anne most likely lived this way her entire life.

At home, she was also a dedicated wife and a mother of four.  She enjoyed the Arts and being outside.  She will missed by so many family and friends.

Today is the ELEVENTH day of Christmas...eleven pipers piping...the 11 faithful Apostles.  I can see Anne as being faithful as well.  Just as the Apostles went out to spread the Good News with words and actions, Anne spread God's message of love and dedication to others through her witness.  May she rest in peace.

Today, we head back home after a wonderful week of being with my mom.  I am happy to have had this time but look forward to getting back home.

Finding Meaning in Jessica's Life

Today's feast day is in honor of the Most Holy Name of Jesus.  This reminds me of the famous quote from Shakespeare, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet." (Romeo and Juliet)   Why celebrate the name of Jesus?  Well, in a world that often takes for granted this blessed name of our Savior (using it quite blasphemous at times), I think it is quite fitting to take the time to remember the story behind this name.  After all, if the name of the baby we just celebrated at Christmas was not important, why would the angel have made such a point to tell BOTH Mary and Joseph?  Jesus...God is with us...Emmanuel...foretold by the prophets.

The celebration of the name of Jesus is so important to our tradition that the entire month of January has been dedicated in honor of this teaching.  I found this understanding of the feast very helpful:

"The feast is meant to impress on Christians the dignity of the Holy Name...Among the Jews God's name expressed His essence, Yahweh, i.e., I (alone) am who am (and cause all else to be). The Jews had the highest respect for the name of God, a reverence that finds continuation in the Our Father: "Hallowed be Thy Name.  the name of the Redeemer should not be accidental, of human choosing, but given by God Himself. For His name should express His mission.  With Jesus, therefore, the name actually tells the purpose of His existence. This is why we must esteem His name as sacred. Whenever we pronounce it, we ought to bow our heads; for the very name reminds us of the greatest favor we have ever received, salvation." (Excerpted from The Church's Year of Grace, Pius Parsch)  

So, how does this relate to Jessica?  Well, I was trying to decide which child should be remembered today.  We are visiting my mother and I told her what I was doing...She said to go through the list of girls and she would choose the next one for the blog post.  As I was going through the list, she stopped me with Jessica..."What does her name mean?"  I did a quick Google search to find out that Jessica means "He sees."  She said..."That is the one you need for this feast day!"  Jessica is hope for those left behind...God does see the pain and suffering in this world and if we call out HIS NAME...JESUS...He will help us through this time.  We must bring honor and respect back to the name of Jesus and we will find that our world will be a better place.  It is not the fault of Jesus that we do not seek Him in our lives...He does not judge and allow these things to happen...the children and adult victims did not deserve to die...it was not a part of God's plan...it was the free will of man that made this happen.  God takes this part of the plan...shaking His head...and brings good even during the tragedy to assure us of His plan and His victory over evil.  He sees that the evil will not succeed.

Jessica (6 years old) was a real leader in her family...considered the rock...CEO of the family who would often help in making decisions.  She would not let any challenge get the best of her.  She also had a great love for anything related to horses or cowboys...she always wanted a horse and a pair of real cowboy boots.  She loved to dress up and loved going to movies.  She also loved whales!

When designing Jessica's quilt, we wanted to make the rock the center of the quilt.  Our hope is that the rock (created with cross material) in their family could now be centered more on Jesus as their rock.  After all, this family has lost a huge strength in their family, which needs to be filled.  The hope and love of Jesus is a wonderful way to fill that void in their lives.

Today is the TENTH day of Christmas...ten lords a leaping....The Ten Commandments!  There could be no other idea that should lord over our lives than these natural laws given to Moses by God.  These basic laws should be an internal recognition of our desire to live for God.  May we look upon these laws, written in stone to show the permanence of these rules throughout all time, as the basic foundation of all our decisions.

We are having another wonderful day of Christmas with family.  We hope you are enjoying this blessed time of the year as well.  God bless!

Noah and Arielle

Today is the feast for two saints, Sts Basil and Gregory.  These two men were very close friends throughout their lives.  The lived parallel lives...from monastic traditions and becoming bishops within the same area.  The two men also fought the Arian heresy with great vigor.  Although these two saints lived apart from each other, they remained friends through correspondence.

When I think of these two saints and their close bond as friends, I cannot help but think of Noah.  And more rightly so his twin sister, Arielle, who survived the attack on Sandy Hook.  To lose a child or a sibling would be so hard to understand but to lose a twin must be like losing an arm.  How do you forget that you are a twin?  It is impossible to lose that part of your identity.  And yet, Arielle will have to do this for the rest of her life!  I have been thinking about Arielle since this tragedy took place.  Also, their older sibling, Sophia, was only a little older than the twins...the mother described these children as inseparable as a camera tripod...always together!  I pray that these sisters will find a way to move forward together.


Noah was the youngest of those lost on December 14th...his sister only surviving because she was hidden in a closet.  The family spoke of Noah's 'big heart' for life and love for everyone.  He brightened the room with his big smile and 'twinkly blue eyes.'  He wanted to be a soldier, a doctor and a manager of a taco factory....I love it...no question about his interests!

Noah also loved to learn new things and how things worked.  He loved rainbows, which now brings comfort to his family as they think about the meaning of this symbol of hope.

Although this family was of Jewish tradition, I am sure they would appreciate that today is the NINTH day of Christmas...nine ladies dancing represents the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit:  Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control (Galatians 5:22...some say there are 12 fruits).  Although this is not found directly in the Old Testament, the Spirit was obviously moving through the lives and actions of those of the Jewish people presented in the Old Testament.

Noah's quilt is filled with his various interests surrounding a big heart.  As we read more and more of his family's memories, this quilt changes to show the wonderful life of this precious boy.

We are enjoying this time with family and friends...may you be blessed as we go head first into this new year of 2013!

Honoring Mary

This post will honor two women named Mary...

The first is known in the Bible as "blessed among women," and she herself, in her humility, tells us that she will have "all generations will call [her] blessed."  As the Mother of God, she should in fact be honored today for her obedience to God's will.  And so, today we honor Mary for her role in salvation...accepting the duty to be the Mother of God was no small task.  She allowed the Creator of the Universe...to be created within her and to suffer for the salvation of the world as she watched her beloved Son die on a cross for our sins.  Mary's duties as mother was like any mother; however, she knew that He would not be appreciated...that he would suffer and die in spite of our ungratefulness...but Mary stood firm in her belief that her Son was the one who would bridge the gap from disunity.  When all others ran away, she followed and watched, kneeling at the foot of the Cross to see that death knowing that her hopes did not die with Him but would be fulfilled because of Him.  She was the first witness and benefactor of his Redemption..."highly favored" because of this special gift of Redeeming Grace from the Father to prepare her receive Christ in her womb.

It seems to me one of the greatest ways to start out the New Year.  In the Church's wisdom, we are given the perfect example of what we are trying to emulate in our journey to Christ.  As we try to think about New Year's resolutions, it seems to me that the best answer is to try to be more like Mary so we can see how to be more like Christ.  There is a common phrase within the Catholic Church..."to Jesus through Mary."  Many are even apt to calling Mary the "Co-Redemptrix."   These ideas are not to take away from Jesus or worship her but to show Mary honor for her action of obedience.  Her role is in no way equal to Jesus but dependent on His actions.  Her actions along side Jesus aided in His ability to bring this salvation.  We know Christ through His mother, Mary.  Some would say that God could have chosen any woman and this is true...but He chose Mary and she said YES...that is what we celebrate in our respect for her.

Also, we must look at why this feast is so important...the answer lies in the early heresies that Jesus was not fully man AND fully God.  There are many versions of these heresies that came about as man tried to 'reason' God's existence in Jesus.  I encourage you to read about these as many of them still exist in new 'enlightened' heresies today.  In effect, many of these heresies created the atmosphere for the doctrine we celebrate on this feast day.  So, we are then not only celebrating Mary as the Mother of God but also the celebration of Jesus as fully God.  And, once again, we see the reason for the idea that we find Jesus through Mary.  If the basic concept of her motherhood is understood, then we can come to understand in a small way the mystery of the Incarnation.

This is just the first Mary that I wished to acknowledge today...sorry for the longer post but we could not forget our memorial for our second Mary today.  THIS Mary gave her life for the love of 'her' children at Sandy Hook, throwing herself at the shooter in hopes to stop the assault on the school.  

Mary's life seems to send a message of love like that of our first Mary...she was willing to suffer for children in the end, but also in her life she gave of herself (even foregoing her own retirement) in hopes of helping the children who came to her.  She was following through with her own YES to serve God...this was what she felt called to do as the school psychologist.  In fact, one of the first things noted was that she would have been there to help the children and their families work through the pain had she lived.  She was that kind of person...willing to be in the worst of circumstances to help those in need.  

Mary was giving at home as well...a loving wife and doting mother of two daughters.  She loved to travel and work in her garden.  She enjoyed theater, reading, and watching the Miami Dolphins play.  

Once again, it seems hard to capture the spirit of this woman in a few words on a post or on a quilt.  She was a hero...giving her life for others and nothing can express the feeling of respect for this woman.  The only thing we know to do is praise her for her strength during this awful experience...she went above and beyond her duties that day as a psychologist...and as a woman of integrity gave her all for her calling on this earth.  

May she rest in peace.  May her family find comfort in their loss.  May we all find some way to honor Mary by showing kindness to a child...especially those who are not so easy to love...who have emotional issues that can only be understood through eyes of compassion just as Mary dedicated her life to do.  

One custom on January 1st is for the faithful to pray that the Spirit may direct their thoughts and actions, and those of the community during the course of the year.  The traditional prayer Veni Creator Spiritus is sung (There are many beautiful versions of this prayer on line.)  There is also the added benefit of the traditional prayers of peace on this day, which I think is especially appropriate during these volatile times.  

On this EIGHTH day of Christmas, we also recall the eight maids a-milking.  These maids remind us of the Eight Beatitudes.  Also, fitting for the memory of both of the women we focus on today.  These valuable hints to good Christian life presented by Jesus during his time on Mount are:

• Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
• Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
• Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
• Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
• Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
• Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
• Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

May we take this list and resolve to do well in 2013!  May God bless all as we enter into a new year on this journey to Christ.  God bless!

SIDE NOTE:  We were able to pick Amanda up from the airport!  YAY!  But her luggage with ALL of her clothes was lost so we had to make arrangements for her to have luggage shipped to our house.  We got to our dear friends house late in the evening but had a great time bringing in the New Year with good cheer and prayer.  Heading to my mother's house this morning after Mass.