More to Control than Meets the Eye

So...I am not the only one who struggles with wanting to have control in my life.  I get that...but it is still a struggle.  I say I want to give my life to Christ but still want to have a say in what that means. 

I guess the real struggle is trying to determine if I am following God's will.  And then accepting this guidance.  Some days I get it and I am at peace.  But on those days when the choice is not so obvious or when God's will does not seem to match up with what I think is right...those are the rough days.  

I have been reading the Mass readings throughout the week and I cannot help but laugh.  It was as if God was speaking to me.  

"Brothers and sisters:

Let no one deceive himself.  If anyone among you considers himself wise in this age, let him become a fool, so as to become wise.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God,

for it is written: 

God catches the wise in their own ruses, 

and again:

The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.

So let no one boast about human beings, for everything belongs to you, Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or the present or the future:  all belong to you, and you to Christ, and Christ to God."  1 Corinthians 3:18-23

So I have said this before and I will say it again...I want to be a fool for Christ.  It just seems to work better when I remember this reality.  I can never be in complete control...there are too many factors playing out around me.  But, I can rely on God to guide me if I am willing to let him.

I think (especially as a parent) I fall into the trap that I do not want bad things to happen to me and those I love. But no matter how much we try to control our lives we eventually come to the realization that we are not in control of all situations. If I have learned nothing more than this in 2020, then I will gain more than I ever need.  We are not in control.  No matter how much we want to believe we can force our influence on others, we are really only a small part of this world.  And as the world spins around, there are others making choices too.  And sometimes things like cancer happen. I did all I could to keep our family healthy but cancer still happened. 

We can only take in what is available to us and give back what we have available to give.  I can only take in love and give back love.  I can only reject evil and pray for those who choose this over love.  

And when I have the urge to control a situation, I must remind myself that I am a fool for Christ.  I am not wiser than the wisdom given to me.  I cannot be the force that makes others choose love.  I can only be the love of Christ shining through to others.  If that manifests into influencing others to see Christ in their lives, then to God be the glory.  Because it is shown in this verse:

"...neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything,

but only God, who causes the growth.  He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive wages in proportion to his labor.  For we are God’s co-workers; you are God’s field, God’s building."   1 Corinthians 3:7

And when my little world does not seem to be under my control, I need to remember that perfection cannot be obtained in this world.  I need to accept that my control should be focused on dying to myself and living for Christ.  And not being so hard on myself when I stumble along the journey.  We spend too much time judging others and ourselves.  The readings from the Bible also remind me that:

"It does not concern me in the least that I be judged by you or any human tribunal; I do not even pass judgment on myself;

I am not conscious of anything against me, but I do not thereby stand acquitted; the one who judges me is the Lord."  1 Corinthians 4: 3-4

At the end of the day, yes there are demons nagging away at us.  We all face struggles and should unpack that baggage from time to time and try to rid ourselves of the extra weight.  Then we walk a little lighter as we head to our final destination.  God gives us the days we need on this earth to figure that out.  I hope I am able to use my days wisely.  I pray that you will do the same.  

God bless all of you!