Letting God Take Control

Control. What exactly does that word mean anyway?

Control:  Noun:  the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events

I can raise my hand to the fact that I have had this force in my life. 

I type and I think about what I am thinking and feeling as I open up this baggage for the second time this week. I find that when the baggage is opened it is like I am seeing the items inside for the first time. It is like I did not even pack the suitcase. Even though I know the items inside, I am surprised to see them there. 

I typed the words and I think it odd the words I choose. “I have had this force”. Wow!  Like it is a super power to influence people. 

Force:  Noun:  coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence.

            Verb:  make (someone) do something against their will.

Wow!  It makes it sound so terrible!  Have I done this?  Yes. And it brings that baggage to a close. I don’t want to think about it anymore. That is why the items in the bag look so familiar. Because I did pack that bag long ago and I have slammed it shut and hid it away for another day. 

But today I see the baggage and I know the day must come when I face the demon that keeps me from moving forward. 

So I go back to the original thought that I want control. I want to know what is coming without surprises so I put myself in a place to influence. But I also want others in my life to not have surprises in their lives. Surprises that may hurt them so I place myself in a place of influence for their needs as well. 

I never saw this as a problem because I only wanted what was best for myself and those I love. I want everyone to be happy. But who am I to decide what is best?  Why is it my way?  

Then I step away from this post. I need to think about it from a different view. I wrestle with myself about my motivation to have control of a situation. I see that it is not necessarily about control so much as my intent to have a say to bring good into a situation. In doing so, I have not allowed free will for someone else. I have taken away their opportunity to choose right over wrong. I have forced them to take on something they might not be ready to handle. Maybe in my control to have what is “right” in my mind has disallowed someone (even myself) to have what God wanted in their lives. 

I know that over these many years I have forced a path and we hit a road block. Sometimes I would plow through forcing myself and others to push on. Or I circumvent and find a new way around the block. Looking back that has not always worked out so well. Funny how when this happened...THEN I would seek God’s will and see the roadblocks removed to take the right path. Why do I not learn?  

God is so gracious!  Because in spite of my desire to be in control time and time again....he steps back and gives me the free will to try it my way. I fail and then I have to regroup and let God’s will in my life. 

So, I now see that in trying to be control I take that opportunity away from others too. My influence is not helpful if my intent is not following God’s will. It reminds me of a verse:

    “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a         clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

And what is love?  Love in all things is God. So if I do not have love then all my influence in the world is for nothing. And forcing even a good into the lives of others and myself is control that does not help any of us. 

I still think there is more to this issue. But even my head is exploding from this revelation. I need to go deeper still to understand. Maybe another day soon I will be able to pull out this baggage and empty it out fully.