A Moving Experience All Around

September 11 (Friday)...

Because we went to sleep early it was easy to have everyone up by 0600 again and quickly having breakfast before heading across town to the new location. While we waited for house deals to be completed, we found a great way to pass the time. 

Geocaching, of course!  We had a great time exploring my brother’s new location one geocache at a time. We had actually been in this area in March before the pandemic had begun to shut everything down. So it was good to come back to this area again. He has a great neighborhood to enjoy!  

While we were driving around, I got a phone call from Dr. Drengler’s office. If you have not figured it out by now, he doesn’t want me to wait for anything!  He has me set up next week for round five of chemo treatments Monday through Wednesday. Then by the end of the week (not Friday because we already have plans for mom’s testing), he wants me to have a full body bone scan. And, he is really working to get me into see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible. I am supposed to hear from that office no later than Monday afternoon.  Also the genetic counseling should happen soon but not sure how I could possibly fit that in next week. We will see. So as you can see next week is going to be busy!!

I got off the phone just in time to hear my brother was finishing up and we planned to meet at his new house for lunch. Then the crew got busy unloading the truck. So proud of my energetic crew who were so willing to help out. We were done in record time!  We thought we were going to go out to eat and head home but I think we were all too tired to make the drive home. We decided to stay the night and we will head back in the morning. Besides it was a lot of fun to have half of my brothers together talking and laughing to want to leave. We really need to get together more often!  

One added side note about geocaching that I just have to share. I am a part of a geocaching community on Facebook. This last week the facilitator of the group has been promoting her new t shirt of the month subscription with daily challenges. There were prizes each day with a grand prize promised at the end of the week. Well, the idea was to share a different themed shirt each day and engage with the group after telling an interesting story. I had so much fun talking to fellow geocachers from across the United States and beyond all week.  

Each day I would listen in on her live feed and be happy for the daily winners. But yesterday we were finishing up the move and I missed the grand prize winner announcement. Turns out that winner was ME!!!  And the reason I was chosen is because I like to interact with the various people on the posts but also because she liked hearing about how much I enjoy our favorite pastime while fighting cancer!  

One person shared a shirt early in the week that read “Geocaching is my therapy” and I just felt that was a perfect saying and I used that idea in several of my posts to others struggling with similar issues. Because it really is one of my motivators to get out of the house with our crew and have fun. Also there were so many like minded people this week who just want to enjoy life that it was a joy to chat with them. 

Anyway, I won the prize and I was so excited to end the week of challenges with the grand prize. Also, that many more people praying for me and rooting me on to be better!  It was nice way to end the week. 

So I have the weekend to rest and prepare for the week to come. I am looking forward to resting closer to home. Thanks for all the messages after my scan report. Some private messages I received showed concern that I was upset. I guess I was a little down after the visit with Dr. Drengler but I guess I always want to be the overachiever. I got my pity party over with quickly and then my mom and Michael reminded me how much I have improved since April. I was reminded that have much to be thankful and I really have improved. So, I march on into the battle for another round. 

God bless you all for your support and prayers. Your messages of encouragement mean so much to me. I feel like I have an army of warriors surrounding me as I go into the next phase of treatments.

Taking Care of Mom and Moving my Brother

September 10 (Thursday )...I thought I would have time to send out this update yesterday but we just ran out of time in our day. 

We started out Thursday morning at 0600 with a drive to my mom’s next heart appointment for lab work and an echo-cardiogram. We will not know results until the end of the month after all tests are competed. However, we are one step closer to having answers for her health issues. She has been very proactive by going back on a low carb diet and taking some essential oils I had heard about for this issue. Exercising has been harder to start again because so few places are open with a pool. This is how she likes to have her workout so we need to find a way to make that possible. We did buy a mini elliptical that is not so hard on the knees. Personally, I think she looks great. But she has to wait and see what the doctors tell her. 

Then we zoomed home and packed up our things for a trip to Austin area. We were going to help my brother load and unload his moving truck. Don’t worry!  My mom and I were good girls and let the younger crew do the hard work of loading the vans with direction from my two younger brothers. 

I was impressed with all the crew to follow directions and get the truck packed. But when I think about it, they should all be pros after all of our moves!  Even LittleMiss was busy with everything she could find to help. We found out real quick that she can lift more than just the small stuff. And she was determined to help until the job was done!  The others worked hard to make it happen also!  

A long tiring day but it ended well. With the truck loaded Thursday night, we all went to bed early exhausted from our efforts and hopefully ready for the next day. 

God bless you all!

Focusing on the Good News

September 9 (Wednesday)... I guess you could say that I got good news and bad news today. Dr. Drengler and my mom say I should focus on the good news and be thankful for the progress made. And I AM thankful for all the good news, but I am such a goal oriented person. You know I have to fight back the urge I have to take control. It is just driving me crazy! I can see why Christians flogged themselves. It’s like I want to beat that urge out of myself. But I won’t do that. I think i will start playing some praise and worship music instead. 

OK. I have the music going. Enough beating myself up about my failings.

 

The good news is that the radiation to my liver has reduced the liver masses by 60-70%. Dr. Drengler was especially pleased by that news.  There also appear to be no new lesions in my liver. 

He also talked with me about my genetic testing. The cancer is not a genetic mutation that can be passed on to my children. Also, there is no genetic indicator that my parents passed this mutation to me which means my siblings and their children do not have a chance of this cancer through genetics. That leads him to believe the cancer is just bad luck through some unknown environmental source. I am supposed to follow up with a genetics counselor in the near future. 

The bad news to me was the discussion we had about my back. As you know from my past posts, I have never fully recovered from the cancer in my lower back (T10 vertebrae). The pain is not bad enough for medication; however, I have felt a bulge there for about three months. I had hoped the discomfort would go away after radiation to the bone. Although it was better, it never felt right. Well, the scan showed that I have a compression fracture. So, Dr. D is suggesting I meet with a neurosurgeon to repair that vertebrae. This consultation should happen sometime in the next month. This surgeon will likely want an MRI done before the procedure. You all know how much I love that scan!  

I will have my next round of chemo treatments(#5) next week. Then I will have round 6 in three weeks. After these treatments are done, he would like me to have another PET scan done. However, it will be a different procedure because my liver cancer did not show up as it should have in my first PET scan.  I will also have a bone scan done. 

Three points I want to make clear. 

Number 1...My treatments will not be over in October. Dr. D made it perfectly clear that at the end of round six chemo I do not get to ring the bell to celebrate. For those of you who have not experienced cancer, this is a big deal in the cancer world. We already know I will have more chemo in my future. I kind of knew this going in so I am not surprised. I just want my prayer warriors to know because I still have a long road ahead of me. 

Number 2... many have asked why they do not just remove the affected parts of my liver. Others ask why the doctor does not add me to a liver transplant list. I have read about these options myself and it sounds like a plausible solution.  So, I spoke to Dr. D about this today. I wanted to make sure I was correct before sending this out to all of you. He told me that this option is completely ruled out for two reasons... I have a healthy liver that is functioning around the tumors. But more importantly, my cancer has already metastasized beyond my liver. This means that any attempt to remove my liver would likely cause this aggressive cancer to spread. So, this is not an option. 

Number 3...I ask that you continue to pray. I do believe in miracles but we also need to be realistic. I am living with cancer. We will be maintaining to reduce the size of the liver tumors. We will have preventative chemo to reduce the spread. We are holding out for better options in the future, but these are the current options. I trust my oncologist to help me through these treatments. He continues to emphasize that he thinks about my case often. 

Most important in all of this is my continued trust in God. He is with me and he loves me, my family and all of you!  He does not leave our side in these times of struggling. And I know that I am not in control  See...no flogging necessary...I already knew the answer. Maybe the praise and worship music helped too!  

God bless you all!  God is good all the time!

Getting Back into a Routine

September 8 (Tuesday)... I started out the day with an upset stomach. But the day must go on. Second day of school and wanted to get through most of the school day before my appointment. 

I got to the CT scan on time and was called back right away. What a nice surprise!!  

Then the tech decided that he would need to start an IV for the contrast instead of using my port. Let’s just say things did not go well. And I was getting up from the table insisting he let me go up stairs to have my port accessed!  

I was so concerned but it also reminded me of when I was young. If I got a splinter and my mom would suggest she remove it, I would hide under the table, lock myself in my room or beg to go to the bathroom. I guess begging to go upstairs was my grown up way of saying, don’t hurt me! 

Anyway, I was accessed and returned to the tech for CT scan.  All was done in less than 15 minutes...just enough time to have a little prayer time with our Blessed Mary on her birthday.  Then back upstairs to get de-accessed. 

All done lickety split!  No harm done. Now we wait for results. 

Went home and we finished school for the day. Thankful the meal we had provided by our friend Angie Artho. It was great!  Well the family thought so and i was glad not to cook. The upset stomach continued throughout the day. It really is more of an annoyance than anything. And I am just not hungry. With not eating and having a daily one mile walk to start out our school day, maybe I will finally lose a few pounds.  

So pray that results come back positive. I should know some time tomorrow what the doctor thinks about all he sees. 

God bless you all!

Etiquette Boot Camp

Update for the last week. Sorry I have not been on this last week. We spent last week getting back into a routine. We also had what I like to call Etiquette Boot Camp.  Maybe you can learn from our experience. 

Day 1:  I had everyone choose a partner and stand in front of them for five minutes without looking away. I told them that when we look another person in the eyes we should see Jesus. It did not matter how the other person acted toward us. We should remember that etiquette rules were about showing others respect, dignity and love. If we remember this there will be no question about how we treat others. We then discussed ways to assist others using the etiquette rules for phone calls and dining. 

Day 2:  This time everyone chose a partner and stood back to back for five minutes. They were encouraged to close their eyes and pray for their partner. I told them that the etiquette rules were designed for us to support each other. Just as we stood back to back and then in prayer, we are called to help each other.  Etiquette rules like opening a door or waiting before interrupting a conversation....these are all rules to support a person in need. 

Day 3. Now stand side by side your partner for five minutes. This is to show that we must walk side by side another person. The idea that the etiquette rules are in place to share in the experience of another. We can offer help better if we can experience the path of another. We should try to think about what it fees like to walk in their shoes. We then talked about the etiquette rules regarding conversations. 

It was a great way to start out the new school year.  It was very low key and little prep time needed. That was helpful because last week I started feeling bad. Not terrible. I just had this feeling like I had a stomach bug. By Thursday, I stopped wanting to eat and just tried to stay close to home. It never got really bad and I guess I have gone so long without much of this type of side effect that I just thought it would go away. Well I am hoping it will be over before I start another round. 

Today was our first day of school (pictures posted in my regular Fb feed). We had a good start. Hard to believe we have been doing this for 23 years. We were done with all subjects by 1pm. 

We normally would have waited until tomorrow to start but it was nice having Michael home on the first day to help. Also the rest of the week is going to be busy with a lot of things, so we needed this day to get in a full week of school. I am so glad we know the routine and the first week is a review. 

Tomorrow I have a CT scan so I am hoping for good results. 

I pray all of you are well. God bless you all.

More to Control than Meets the Eye

So...I am not the only one who struggles with wanting to have control in my life.  I get that...but it is still a struggle.  I say I want to give my life to Christ but still want to have a say in what that means. 

I guess the real struggle is trying to determine if I am following God's will.  And then accepting this guidance.  Some days I get it and I am at peace.  But on those days when the choice is not so obvious or when God's will does not seem to match up with what I think is right...those are the rough days.  

I have been reading the Mass readings throughout the week and I cannot help but laugh.  It was as if God was speaking to me.  

"Brothers and sisters:

Let no one deceive himself.  If anyone among you considers himself wise in this age, let him become a fool, so as to become wise.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God,

for it is written: 

God catches the wise in their own ruses, 

and again:

The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.

So let no one boast about human beings, for everything belongs to you, Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or the present or the future:  all belong to you, and you to Christ, and Christ to God."  1 Corinthians 3:18-23

So I have said this before and I will say it again...I want to be a fool for Christ.  It just seems to work better when I remember this reality.  I can never be in complete control...there are too many factors playing out around me.  But, I can rely on God to guide me if I am willing to let him.

I think (especially as a parent) I fall into the trap that I do not want bad things to happen to me and those I love. But no matter how much we try to control our lives we eventually come to the realization that we are not in control of all situations. If I have learned nothing more than this in 2020, then I will gain more than I ever need.  We are not in control.  No matter how much we want to believe we can force our influence on others, we are really only a small part of this world.  And as the world spins around, there are others making choices too.  And sometimes things like cancer happen. I did all I could to keep our family healthy but cancer still happened. 

We can only take in what is available to us and give back what we have available to give.  I can only take in love and give back love.  I can only reject evil and pray for those who choose this over love.  

And when I have the urge to control a situation, I must remind myself that I am a fool for Christ.  I am not wiser than the wisdom given to me.  I cannot be the force that makes others choose love.  I can only be the love of Christ shining through to others.  If that manifests into influencing others to see Christ in their lives, then to God be the glory.  Because it is shown in this verse:

"...neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything,

but only God, who causes the growth.  He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive wages in proportion to his labor.  For we are God’s co-workers; you are God’s field, God’s building."   1 Corinthians 3:7

And when my little world does not seem to be under my control, I need to remember that perfection cannot be obtained in this world.  I need to accept that my control should be focused on dying to myself and living for Christ.  And not being so hard on myself when I stumble along the journey.  We spend too much time judging others and ourselves.  The readings from the Bible also remind me that:

"It does not concern me in the least that I be judged by you or any human tribunal; I do not even pass judgment on myself;

I am not conscious of anything against me, but I do not thereby stand acquitted; the one who judges me is the Lord."  1 Corinthians 4: 3-4

At the end of the day, yes there are demons nagging away at us.  We all face struggles and should unpack that baggage from time to time and try to rid ourselves of the extra weight.  Then we walk a little lighter as we head to our final destination.  God gives us the days we need on this earth to figure that out.  I hope I am able to use my days wisely.  I pray that you will do the same.  

God bless all of you!

Letting God Take Control

Control. What exactly does that word mean anyway?

Control:  Noun:  the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events

I can raise my hand to the fact that I have had this force in my life. 

I type and I think about what I am thinking and feeling as I open up this baggage for the second time this week. I find that when the baggage is opened it is like I am seeing the items inside for the first time. It is like I did not even pack the suitcase. Even though I know the items inside, I am surprised to see them there. 

I typed the words and I think it odd the words I choose. “I have had this force”. Wow!  Like it is a super power to influence people. 

Force:  Noun:  coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence.

            Verb:  make (someone) do something against their will.

Wow!  It makes it sound so terrible!  Have I done this?  Yes. And it brings that baggage to a close. I don’t want to think about it anymore. That is why the items in the bag look so familiar. Because I did pack that bag long ago and I have slammed it shut and hid it away for another day. 

But today I see the baggage and I know the day must come when I face the demon that keeps me from moving forward. 

So I go back to the original thought that I want control. I want to know what is coming without surprises so I put myself in a place to influence. But I also want others in my life to not have surprises in their lives. Surprises that may hurt them so I place myself in a place of influence for their needs as well. 

I never saw this as a problem because I only wanted what was best for myself and those I love. I want everyone to be happy. But who am I to decide what is best?  Why is it my way?  

Then I step away from this post. I need to think about it from a different view. I wrestle with myself about my motivation to have control of a situation. I see that it is not necessarily about control so much as my intent to have a say to bring good into a situation. In doing so, I have not allowed free will for someone else. I have taken away their opportunity to choose right over wrong. I have forced them to take on something they might not be ready to handle. Maybe in my control to have what is “right” in my mind has disallowed someone (even myself) to have what God wanted in their lives. 

I know that over these many years I have forced a path and we hit a road block. Sometimes I would plow through forcing myself and others to push on. Or I circumvent and find a new way around the block. Looking back that has not always worked out so well. Funny how when this happened...THEN I would seek God’s will and see the roadblocks removed to take the right path. Why do I not learn?  

God is so gracious!  Because in spite of my desire to be in control time and time again....he steps back and gives me the free will to try it my way. I fail and then I have to regroup and let God’s will in my life. 

So, I now see that in trying to be control I take that opportunity away from others too. My influence is not helpful if my intent is not following God’s will. It reminds me of a verse:

    “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a         clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

And what is love?  Love in all things is God. So if I do not have love then all my influence in the world is for nothing. And forcing even a good into the lives of others and myself is control that does not help any of us. 

I still think there is more to this issue. But even my head is exploding from this revelation. I need to go deeper still to understand. Maybe another day soon I will be able to pull out this baggage and empty it out fully.