Looking into the Crystal Ball

December 7 (Monday)...

So much on my mind. I just don’t know what to say. I have learned that once again I took the hard twist in this roller coaster ride...you know the back jerking ...neck breaking twist with a dive bomb at the end!  

I met with Dr. Drengler and he was surprised I did not call him when I was having so many issues. I told him that it was the worst I have ever felt in my life but I was given the list of side effects and I thought it was to be expected. No reason to call. He told me that he has given this maintenance plan to many patients even young children and elderly. He has never had anyone with such severe side effects. I guess rack it up to one more round of being a part of the 0.1% of the population. I told him I was determined to make it through the two weeks but never again. He agreed that he had two weeks to look for a new plan. 

Then I asked him the tough question. What was the future going to be like for me?  I wanted to have quality of life not quantity. 

I am not giving up the fight. I just want to know what I am fighting for. Not a life where I am sick all the time. Not a life that will end and all people remember is that I was sick. I would rather enjoy the time that I have with family and friends. 

So he brought out his crystal ball and told me that his guess was as good as mine. He could not predict the future. He could tell me that had we not found the cancer and had a treatment plan, I would probably not be alive today. He can even tell me that he will continue to watch how my cancer progresses. At this time, my primary cancer in the liver is under control. In time it will flare up again in the future and my body will probably not be able to fight back a second time. The secondary cancer is more aggressive and not under control with medication at this time. This is what we must work harder to fight. It is unfortunate that the medication I was given caused such a severe reaction. He will not allow that to continue so a new plan must be devised. 

So my prayer request is for a new plan that is not so evasive. My prayer is also for me to have patience as I find ways to live a more meaningful life that will be remembered instead of my illness. I will also pray for this in your lives because ultimately that is what we should all be living out regardless of our health. 

God bless you all!

COMMENTS

Kimberly Kocmoud

Praying for strength for you during this and a new treatment plan and total healing from these two cancers.

Connie Edmundson

As a nurse for many years I know that prayers work. I say them for you several times a day.

Jean Moses

It sounds to me that your doctor has a lot of hope for your going into remission, and/or being able to control those cancer cells, or because of your prayers and those of your prayer warriors, a healing! This bad reaction is a terrible hiccup but none of us involved in your journey is giving up!! Your attitude and honesty inspires us all. Please feel our prayers and God’s strength and comfort.

Sandi Whiteman

Michelle. Regardless of what the future holds for you I have serious doubts that people will only remember you for your illness. Your life leading up to your illness speaks volumes and that is my memory. A mom wholly devoted to her children, a woman fighting for the unborn, a sister in Christ always pointing the way back to the Father. That will be my memory. ❤️ love and continued prayer for you and your sweet family.

Bette Drewry Bittner

I absolutely love your openness Michelle Reynolds. This stinks and you share your thoughts as you go thru. God's PEACE and HEALING Michelle.

Angel Weers

I hate this. Praying for wisdom and discernment for this doctor and the rest of your team, and strength and healing for you, my dear. I wish we didn't have this national health situation so that I could feel I would be putting anyone at risk to come see you for a brief visit. ❤ and hugs, always.

Paula Thompson Havard

I am joining in prayer for a new plan for you and for BOTH of us to live and exhume joy despite our circumstances. You are loved my friend.