A Breath of Life

As I reflected on the liturgical readings this last week on Genesis and creation, I could not help but reflect on the gift of life that can only come from God, our creator. The verse that kept me thinking was Genesis 2:7– “ The Lord God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being.”  

The breath of life... what does that mean? If this was just important for this one moment in time, to begin life on earth, there would be no reason to bring it to our attention again. However, the same idea of God breathing life into man is mentioned in other places throughout Scripture. What interested me most was the breath of life and its end. I just imagined a man full of God given life that will one day come to an end. The end of life has always seemed to be a subject to avoid, and yet, we all know our lives will come to an end. As it is stated by Job, “Since his days are determined —you know the number of his months; you have fixed the limit which he cannot pass.” Job 14:5

As I struggle with my diagnosis of cancer and I watch the cancer continue to spread without end it seems, I do begin to take a realistic look at how my life will end.  This is not something I dwell on, but I do think about what the end of life will look like for me. And by no means have I given up the fight against the cancer. I am very much alive and eager to enjoy my life and make my days on this earth meaningful. I have always loved Psalm 139:14–“ I praise you because I am wonderfully made, wonderful are your works! My very self you know.”  However, I went a little further this week as I pondered the idea of the breath of life. The Psalmist shares the insight of revelation from God watching over our lives, “ Your eyes saw me unformed; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be.” Psalm 139:16

God knows my purpose and what I will do —good and bad —all the days of my life! I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, but God knows my every move in my life! It gives me a greater peace knowing that God knows me so well and allows me free will to make choices. I will live out my days on this earth with the joy of knowing that God keeps me in his sight. and also he has given me all the breath I need until the very end. He breathed into me my life and when I take that last breath he will be there to see me into my glorified life with him in heaven.

I take heed to the Gospel message, “... do not worry about your life... Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life span?” Matthew 6:25-27

So, I will not spend my days worrying how this cancer will affect my life. I will spend my days looking for ways to be a better person for those around me. I will reflect now on knowing that God has sent forth my spirit. He has created me for a purpose that I must fulfill. I still have breath within me.

This week that means being a good wife and mother. I work through planning with doctors the new treatments. I also prepare for Bible studies and retreats and record reflections (I reflected on creation and sin too). It is hard to complain when the pain and side effects of my cancer and treatments are still only a small part of who I am.

For instance, this week our microwave broke and we had a repairman come to our house. I was in pain and on the opposite side of the house when he rang the doorbell. I guess I did not move fast enough and so he rang the doorbell not once but twice more before I could get to the door. When I arrived, he asked how I was doing and I told him I was in pain and then I could not move any faster. He apologized and I told him that was life with cancer. I probably should not have been so blunt with a stranger, but I was in pain and reacted as I did. He again apologize, so I told him that everything would be as it is.  He proceeded to spend the next two hours in our home while I schooled the children and talked with my mom. At the end of his time in our home, he said for someone with cancer and in pain I sure laughed a lot. I told him that it is the one thing cancer cannot take away from me, so we would continue to laugh and joke as long as possible. 

It truly is how I feel our family will make it through this cancer whatever the outcome may be. I hope that you will see your life in your hardships in a similar way.  It is the one blessing that only humans can fully participate in...unlike any other part of God's creation...To laugh and to love those around us and feel the joy of God’s creation.  It is amazing to know that we are made in God's image and likeness.  It makes me smile to know that one day, we can all laugh and love with God in heaven.

The only real news regarding my cancer was my CT scan to set up for my radiation to my back (lumbar) and sternum.  I am just one step away from being a dot-to-dot puzzle!  I will likely start the 10 cycles of radiation next week.

God bless you all.  My prayers for you also!