I am awake and praying for all those in need who have asked for prayers. But also thinking...so many thoughts in my head that I feel like I am back to playing that game of Pong!
I kept coming back to this idea that I needed to explain something about this blog.
I think that this little page that was meant to update my family and friends has become much more to me than that original intent. It is more like a diary of my life at this time. Sharing my inner most thoughts as i try to grapple with all that is happening to me. And in doing so I might appear needy or lacking in some ways that might have those who read these posts to think you need to encourage me. Which is appreciated...don’t get me wrong...but not always necessary.
I am actually humbled that so many of you even read my crazy thoughts. And even more humbled that others might gain in some way from these musings.
I guess what I was thinking is that many times...in the trenches of this battle against the spread of cancer throughout my body... I might write some things that sound awful and uncomfortable. But I think of it this way...just as no one wants to sit around hearing how many times I wiped my nose today or how many games of Sudoku one person can play... I would not write about such things in a diary. A diary seems to me more about reflection and inner thoughts that are private and reflective.
Yet, I have been compelled to open my diary and leave it on the table for anyone who enters to read. I suppose in doing this I am asking for help through prayer and encouragement, but it is also there for me to go back to and see how this crazy ride has swayed to and fro. Just as any reflection, one can go back and see how much has changed for better or for worse.
It made me think about King Xerxes and his attempt to remember his past experiences ...
“That night the king, unable to sleep, asked that the chronicle of notable events be brought in.” Ester 6:1
Just as the king reflected back on his life musings, I am able to do this and remember how God has been there through the joys and struggles. And I even see your reaction and I gain the strength to push on and fight the battle another day.
So, although I may show struggles through these posts, it is not to expect a response from all those who read but to show the path I am taking. And how to get myself back on the track because as crazy as this roller coaster ride may be...even I know it is safer on the track (God’s track) than off of it.
Thanks for all your words of encouragement and prayers. God is good to surround me with so much love and support. You remain his hands and feet to show me that I am loved and cared for in this experience. I am blessed.
It seems fitting to end this post with this daily prayer that started my early morning:
"Lord Jesus, your ways are life and light! Let your word penetrate my heart and transform my mind that I may see your power and glory. Help me to choose your ways and to do what is pleasing to you." Amen.
COMMENTS
Holly Gonzales
Received now your beautiful card, letter and photo during this time of Advent. Thank you. Thank you for your transparency. With the illumination of the Holy Spirit, we are free to express who we are and how we are. You are light to us, Michelle!
Rita Chapa Maspero
Michelle, please set your mind at ease. IMO, you do not come across as a whiner, complainer or make me uncomfortable. What I find in the blog is your remarkable faith and trust in God. I find you to be a great evangelist as you share your thoughts about the daily readings or feast being celebrated by the church. I guess you could say I get a lot out of your blog along with your status updates. You are a great servant of our Lord. God bless you!
Brenda Mark
I join you in this prayer.
Rose Bixby
Amen! You are amazing!! And Loved!!
Heidi Callison Smith
Write on
Heidi Frazier
I love reading your posts. Keep them coming. Thank you for letting me into your world
Myra Morgan
Your posts are a blessing.
Geneva NeNe
I read your post everyday.Thank you for sharing.
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