January 2 (Saturday)...
I haven’t had an update since I started taking the medication this round. I am sure some of you must think that I’m not doing very well. But actually this round has been very easy for me. I am now on a pump around the clock for five days. I think this method of giving me the medicine is helpful for my body to function without the severe side effects. I am still taking one of my medications by mouth but I am able to do this as long as I take my nausea medicine.
My side effects have been minimal with achy joints and nausea. However I think I am also feeling abnormally agitated and tired. If I were living alone it probably would be very easy to continue this plan for my medication. However, I think with my family putting up with my mood swings is very frustrating for all of us. I am just so thankful that we love each other during these interesting experiences. 
I must admit that it is very frustrating for me because I know that sometimes my mood swings can be hurtful to the ones who are helping me the most. I must say that sometimes it is only in hindsight that I even realize what I have said or done. I think this makes me even more frustrated with myself and then I try harder to do things to help out which then of course causes more frustration for me when I cannot. It really is a vicious cycle of give-and-take and hoping that I can control the uncontrollable.
So although physically I am working out the kinks of this medication, I still feel like we are struggling to fine-tune the ins and outs of family life. We will get there with God’s graces as we enter in to a new year of opportunities to grow as a family and as individuals.
We have been enjoying the 12 days of Christmas. We always enjoy going to places together as a family and this year we have managed to attend several places that normally would be crowded. Somehow we have managed to go on off days and felt safe from the pandemic and staying healthy in general. Imagine going to places like Sea World, the movie theater and Six Flags without the crowds. It has been nice. 
Then I realize that I spoke too soon. I was getting ready for a fun evening at the Botanical Gardens because they were having a special event. I went to change into warm clothes but before I even got started I noticed something was wrong with the tubing on my pump.
Once again, I get to be part of the rare group of patients who have a bio-hazard leakage from my port access! Yay me!!!
I am not sure what happened but the port tubing somehow detached from the pump tubing. I was bleeding from my port access and chemo meds (thankfully on a slow drip) were dripping onto the tile floor (also thankful as it was easier to clean up).
I started yelling emergency! The whole house was scrambling to get to me. Did I mention I was changing clothes? Awkward!!!
Not exactly how I should get a break from my medication. I will have to go in tomorrow morning to be reconnected to the pump.
Needless to say, I did not go to the special event at the Gardens. I sent Michael and the crew to enjoy the experience. It was nice but not worth risking infection for me. Another twist in the coaster ride.
It reminded me of the prayer from this morning’s devotional:
“Faith be strong and doubt depart,
Fear and unbelief be gone;
Peace possess the anxious heart
Where the light of Christ has shone.”
If only I had remembered it when I was in the midst of the chaos. I remember it now and that is what I hold dear as I rest through the night.
God’s blessings to all!
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