More Scans and Taking Care of Mom

August 26 (Wednesday) ... I made it through round four of chemo treatments with Nurse Cindy. She is so amazing and glad I was able to end with her by my side. She and I talk about our lives and how much God leads us. A nice topic as the chemo treatment needs a good distraction some times. 

I actually spent most of my treatment thinking and praying for those in the path of Hurricane Laura. Praying for all to be safe and that she would not cause the predicted destruction. 

As for treatment, it ended with the now predictable rash. So I guess, I will always know that the chemo is at least flowing through the veins!  I talk about it being itchy but it is not like most rashes. This rash look more like I have a sunburn. However, it goes away quickly too. So it is not constant. My guess is that it lasts about 15-30 minutes before it passes. I get a break from the effect. It happens about 3-5 times a day for no rhyme or reason that I have been able to predict. And in my days off from chemo it might not even happen every day. 

I did have a little bit of drama with an upcoming scan that has been scheduled. I assumed when they did another scan my entire body would be reviewed. Turns out the only concern is for my liver. That would be fine but that is not the only cancer in my body so I thought the cancer in my bones should be checked also. Long story short... I will now at least have my spine checked along with my liver. It only makes sense as I am still having issues with my back. That CT scan will happen on September 8. 

The real concern of the day comes from my mom. She had her cardiologist appointment today. She had her first EKG...not bad for an almost 80 year old woman with high blood pressure. They wanted to do a stress test, but it was determined she needs to have a chemical version done. This is scheduled for the later part of September. Then she was asked to have a echo-cardiogram the first part of September. So she does have congestive heart failure and after the tests are completed she will follow up with cardiologist again. Please keep her in your prayers. 

We have God continues to care of us through our medical staff and the love and kindness of our family and friends. We cannot thank you all enough for your support. 

At the end of the day, we were all exhausted. We were so thankful for the meal provided. We ate dinner and still had one more appointment for the day for our Little Miss. We drew straws and I took her with my tag-along Sean to make sure I was good. It was nice to go and I spent the time talking to various people who also gave support. 

We got home in time for family prayers and we were all sleeping in no time. 

Praise be to God for his guidance in it all!

Putting on the Right Garment

 August 25 (Tuesday)...

I had an uneventful second day of chemo treatment.  This is great news.  Still holding on to the same joy from yesterday.  Spent my chemo timing watching Mass and then prayers for so many who need God's love in their lives.

I also had a wonderful phone call from a beautiful young lady (Angela) who has grown into quite the woman.  Such a nice talk as we caught up on each others lives.  Then promised prayers for each other at the end.  Thank you, Angela, for reaching out to me today!

I came home to do normal household stuff and rest.  And I am sure we will end the night with more rest and family prayers.  

I went to sleep quickly but woke up in the middle of the night...I had thoughts in my head that I needed to process...so the best way for me was to write it down...

Pride is a terrible thing. It can eat away at a person worse than cancer. I think we all have been taught how terrible pride can be. When it spirals out of control even before we realize how bad it has taken over. 

I woke up this morning so angry about a situation that I could not understand why I was getting so upset. A situation that I have no control over and should be just placed in my past. And yet, I woke up as if I was in control and someone was trying to take that away from me. 

Then I realized it was not control that was being taken away. What was being taken away was my desire to be exalted above someone else. I wanted to be remembered for my abilities above someone else. I wanted someone to say I was better than someone else. To take it even further, I wanted someone to say...if I was in control of the situation, I would be handling it better. 

So here I am awake in the early hours of the morning. The hour in which I have always felt that the devil fights us the hardest. And I am letting him win over my pride. How can I let this happen?  Because I wanted to be praised and glorified above others. But also I wanted control over something. I wanted to be a little demigod of action in this world. 

I was so upset about this that I was in tears. I am not a weepy person. These were tears of anger. Why was I like this?  And then I realized this anger was not directed at the people who were ignoring my greatness. This anger was directed at myself. I knew in my heart of hearts that I had no right to that situation. 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself...” Phillipians 2:3

Even reading this verse as I type gives me pause. How often do I do this without even realizing it?  For the situation I have before me, I truly do not have any control over it. However, what about the times when I do have the control and I take pride over humility?  At what point is it about me over others?  There is a fine line.  Or is there?  Maybe it is more obvious than I want to admit. 

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the first letter of Peter. It is a short letter but full of wisdom. Sometimes more is said in a few words to get to the point. (I know some of you would hope I took that advice). But he wrote:

“Clothe yourself with humility.”  1 Peter 5:5

Wow!  Such simple advice. But how does one do this?  

Clothe yourself...put aside the pride. That garment will not give you what you desire. 

But it looks so good?  What is wrong with putting on pride if it gives me confidence to face the world?  No, put it aside. 

But, things will not get done if I don’t have pride. Throw it away!!  

And then the truth comes. But I want to be remembered for what I have done. And then I see why I the anger I am feeling is directed at myself. I am not the one who needs to be remembered. In all I do, I should be reminding others that God is the focus. And to do this, I must put on the garment of humility. Humble myself and acknowledge that I did not do those “great” things alone. God gave me the ability to do those things. 

And so I turn to 1 Peter again:

“As each of us received a gift, use it serve one another, as stewards of God’s varied grace.” 1 Peter 4:10

These gifts are not mine to be held up for the world to see. They are gifts from God. We all have gifts given to us. And when we share them and use them as they are meant to be may God be given the glory. 

So the fine line is not drawn when we take action, but when choosing to wear the garment of pride or humility. 

What garment do I choose today?

Making Sure I am Being Heard

August 24 (Monday). I woke up in the morning with sore muscles in my neck (this seems to be the norm for about two weeks and I am not even sleeping in my chair anymore!) but otherwise ready to start my fourth round of chemo. I began my normal morning routine. And within thirty minutes I had broken out in a rash from chin to toes!  Ugh!!!

I told a friend as I was being driven to chemo the following:

I just want to know if this is a normal side effect. If it is normal to break out in a rash and there is nothing to do other than take Benadryl, then I suck it up and do what I need to do. I refuse to sleep my days away taking even a small dose of the remedy, so I will have to learn to live with an itchy rash. 

My thoughts were also on what would happen at chemo.  Would it be another round of roller coaster rides?  Would it be worse since I already had a rash going into the treatments?  How does this port thing work again?  Would I see my oncologist or the Nurse Practitioner again?  

I will tell you. I was not in a good place. Maybe going back to sleep after I prayed my morning prayers at 3am was not a good idea. Maybe I should have started the day over again at 6am when I was starting to have doubts. But I didn’t and my mom dropped me off at the doors to the center. I put on a smile and told her to enjoy a quiet day at home. 

I entered the center feeling down but determined to make it through the day. I was still a little early so I sat with my thoughts on those same questions. I just could not get past those thoughts of dread that it was not going to be a good day. 

So it did not go much better to improve these thoughts when I was called back for my doctor appointment. I had a new nurse who is a good nurse but lacks some confidence in her knowledge. I try to remain patient as not to get her more nervous. She has never done a port like mine so she wants to assess the situation. It probably did not help that I still had stitches and glue at my port entry. She was determined to walk me through the process of accessing my port. I was determined to just get it over with without knowing the details. We met in the middle...she talked...I did not listen! 

But really, in the end she counted to three and told me to take in a deep breath. I felt a bee sting and waited for the after effects that did not happen. I figure (as a former beekeeper) I have been stung by bees many times. And if a bee sting was just a hard poke with no other effects, then it was a good day. So port now accessed and blood drawn for labs. One step closer but still a lot of worry. Take a deep breath and move to the next step. 

I went into the exam room knowing that once again I would be with NP. I waited for thirty minutes. She arrived to say all looked great but had to wait for labs results. I guess she thought she was done, but i had my questions. I asked but she really did not have answers. She told me my neck was probably not related to chemo and she would prescribe Motrin and muscle relaxant. She told me the rash was normal and I could take Benadryl. She would ask about the bulge in my back that was still present.  She remembered that she was supposed to order a numbing cream that I put on an hour before my port is accessed to avoid the bee sting. Good thing I have a high tolerance to pain. She was reminded that she was supposed to follow up with genetic testing. I should have a genetic counselor call me to discuss the results in the next week. I also should not have to pay the almost $8000 that was reported to me as out of network by my insurance company. She would follow up with that too. 

Needless to say, NP Wendi was trying but not making me feel more confident about my day going well. 

Lab results came in and all looked well to begin my chemo. My appointment with her went long, so I was then late to my chemo appointment. Add to that my treatment meds were not ready because they had to wait for authorization. So I started chemo over an hour late. 

Now I could have spent my hour waiting continuing a downward spiral. BUT... I got this strange feeling that this was not the right choice. My chemo chair was right across from a wall with pictures of nature transforming...butterflies emerging from chrysalis...and so on. And I realized I had a choice to make. I needed to do what I told my friend and suck it up and find peace. So I turned to prayer as I should have done from the start. Wow!  What a difference it made. 

By the time my meds arrived, asked some questions of the nurse about the rash already raging all over. I realized that I had the best nurse for my plan to suck it up.  Nurse Sweetie is great but she would have coddled me through the day.  Tough Nurse was going to have none of that business. I asked about the amount of steroids I would have and was reassured that it was a smaller dose. Then the chemo treatments began as planned. 

You know what?  It turned out to be the smoothest treatment i have had from the start. AND about an hour into treatment my rash was gone!!!  I could not believe it myself. I kept taking selfies of myself to prove it was happening!!  AND neck pain was gone and I had full range of motion again!!! Maybe the steroids were actually helping with the anti inflammatory capabilities!!

And even though I started treatment late, I finished on time for my friend to pick me up. I walked out of the clinic feeling great. Meaning no rash and no crazy steroid roller coaster!!!  Yay!!!  But mostly, praise God!!!  

I came home to a quiet house. Dinner was made by my mom. Bless her heart (literally!) because she made an amazing meal that she refused to eat. She had placed herself on a heart friendly diet so she ate in her side of the house to avoid temptation. 

Then I had a nice talk with my friend about how to deal with medical bills, insurance and creditors. I would never wish this part of the medical treatments on anyone!!!  

Then we gathered for family prayers. Such a joy to have this time to reflect on the day and give thanks as well as prepare for what is to come with God’s assistance. We also reflected on the Apostle Bartholomew (it is the traditional day to remember his dedication to Christ and his death for his faith). which his story is so interesting. It was good to remember that we cannot hide from God when he is calling us. 

So I started out thinking it was going to be a bad day, but it turned out to be an awesome day. I praise God for sticking with his foolish child. I know that God has given me what I can handle because he gives me the strength I need. And in the grand scheme of things, I have really a minor reaction to chemo and I pray for those who have it far worse than myself. Perspective is an important role in this journey. Now back out to greener pastures for me. At least my spiritual and emotional health can remain strong. And I have faith that my physical body is growing stronger too!  

God bless you all!! 

Another Great Family Visit

August 23 (Sunday)... today we went to Mass in person again. I was not sure if it was going to be possible, but after a restful day yesterday I woke up feeling better. I seem to have reactions to procedures around day 3. I broke out in a rash that was more of an annoyance than anything else but a little itchy too. It comes and goes which is really crazy. I still have the rash today but maybe I am getting used to it. 

But, I am glad I went to Mass. I love the Gospel reading for the day. I still get emotional when I hear the passage even though I have heard it many times. It makes me want to proclaim the message as Peter did, and so I will now...

    “But who do you say that I am?” 

Jesus...

    “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

    (Matthew 16:13-20)

To add to this feeling of joy, Fr. Martin added in his homily a reflection on John 3 when Jesus asked if his Apostles would also leave him. 

I just feel that Jesus is never more open in his love for us (other than his Passion). The willingness to let his people walk away out of love for them to make their choice freely. He is offering himself to us even today and we choose to say yes or no of our own free will. Amazing love!!!

After this beautiful message, we left Mass to rush home and begin preparations for a family meal. We were having an early dinner because my oldest brother, Adrian, and his wife, Kasey, were going to join us for the afternoon. 

We enjoyed our time together...catching up on my treatments and mom’s doctor appointments. We also talked about schools and education plans all around (as both are teaching college classes starting tomorrow). Little Miss got a special gift and she was excited. But I got a gift from Adrian’s 3D printer also which makes me pretty happy too. Most of all it was just nice to enjoy time together. 

Spent the rest of the afternoon resting and playing cards. It was a nice day outside but I know that the week ahead is going to be a long one, so we stayed close to home. 

The fourth round of chemo begins tomorrow in the early morning. Also mom has her cardiologist appointment later this week. 

Add to that the final week of summer and preparation for our school to begin next week. I am getting tired already!  But also looking forward to it. 

Thanks for your continued prayers!  God bless to all!!

Brave (or Crazy) Enough for a Shave

August 19 (Wednesday)...  I continue to heal from the port placement. I am so thankful the port was placed on my right side.  I am left handed and I would not have been able to function had the port been placed on the left side. It was actually a last minute question before my sedation, so I feel like this was another little blessing from God to make things easier for me. 

My mom finally had a follow up from her tests of last week. The PA assigned to her decided she needs to be referred to a cardiologist for further review. So this was arranged for her next Wednesday. She continues to have shortness of breath so please continue prayers for her. 

I will end on a funny note because sometimes that is what keeps us going strong. 

My hair has started to come back slowly, but I decided to keep it shaved until my chemo is complete. Not wanting to bother my hairdresser, I decided to let Michael have a try at my head. I wish I had videoed the ordeal. We were laughing so hard I was afraid to let him continue. At one point, I asked if he was using the clippers systematically and he said he was doing it like he always did. He told me never would he have thought he would be shaving my head. But true love knows no bounds and he got it done to my liking. 

As I sit here typing I remembered something that I thought was ironic. Back in Junior High, we had 8th grade graduation and in preparing for this we wrote predictions for the future. At the time, i had long hair with no bangs (I never had the poofy hair look that was fashionable at the time.). Someone thought to predict that one day I would have a shaved head. I guess that prediction came true.  I will have to find that paper. I wonder how many other predictions came true. 

Thanks for your prayers. May God bless you all.

My Port of Access

August 18 (Tuesday). ... I had my port placed yesterday afternoon. The procedure went well. I was under a conscious sedation but I remembered nothing after the cocktail of sedatives was administered. I started my normal uplifting of prayers for all those in need. Then I woke up knowing the procedure was complete. 

So now I truly will be resting for the remainder of the week. I write this at 5am the next morning and I feel like I was in a train wreck. 

For anyone who believes the sci-fi flicks where a sensor is placed under your skin unaware...I will never believe that possible ever again!  It hurts too much to not know that it is there. 

But I was told this was going to happen. I knew I would have a little pain the first few days. I will get past this too. And after yesterday, trying to find a vein to poke, i know it was the right choice in the long run. 

Hopefully, I will be ready to go in time for chemo next Monday. 

Thanks for the continued prayers for myself and my mom. God bless all of you.

Enjoying my Time as Butterfly Gramma

August 16 (Sunday) ... Not much to say health wise this last week. I am glad I waited a week to have the port as I was able to have a nice visit with Christina Henderson and Shane with the girls. They were able to stay for two full days as they head to their new port of duty. It is always a joy to hear the girls call me Butterfly Gramma. We were able to cook together and play games. Mainly we just spent a lot of time talking. I sure wish we could see each other more often. 

The week off from treatments was so much fun with the activities planned with them. We also had a surprise on Saturday for our little miss. So I felt like we were somewhat back to normal albeit with social distancing and masks. 

We spent our Sunday morning at Mass with Fr. Martin. We now have about 40 attending. We have doubled since last week, which is great for our new parish. However, I will have to decide if I will be forced to stay home again when my immune system is weak from chemo. I will still have week day Mass and televised Mass as needed. Father Martin is now praying for my healing at every Mass which is kind and generous. I mist say that it is quite humbling to hear my name mentioned for prayers of healing. Even knowing so many of you pray for me daily is beyond my understanding. Yet I am so thankful. 

Speaking of generosity, I am still amazed by all those who continue to bless us with food and monetary gifts. I had a friend bring a special broth soup to me on Saturday. One of Michael’s coworkers surprised us with a lasagna dinner last week. And going to the mailbox is a joy with all the surprise cards and boxes intermingled with the junk mail and bills. I display the cards in the windows of my sun room to remind me of all the love and prayers of my prayer warriors. 

I go in for my port placement Monday at noon. I am a little nervous but I know it will make things easier for the remainder of my treatments. 

I have the rest of the week to finalize any school supplies and planning. Then I have my fourth round of chemo starting the last week of August. 

The summer has zoomed by us like a roadrunner being chased by a coyote!!  Beep! Beep!  

Henry left for college on Saturday. And so begins the start of the fall semester on Monday.  I think I am ready for the routine of school and having the joy of teaching my crew again without the distraction of work. I just pray for the medical treatments to remain just as routine as they have been or at the least easily worked around. 

I end this post with a special request from my prayer warriors. In the last few days I become quite concerned. I ask that all my prayer warriors take a moment to say a special prayer for my amazing mom. She has been struggling with shortness of breath and swollen ankles this last two weeks. She finally was able to have phone call appointment with her doctor.  She had tests run last Friday and we are waiting on results. We are especially concerned about her heart. All prayers are appreciated. 

God bless you all!

Our Brave Leader

 A few days ago I posted a blog about how much I love my children. I talk about how awesome my mom is all the time. However, I have not said much about how much I appreciate my husband, Michael. I even had someone ask me if he was deployed. 

Wow!  I guess I just assumed everyone knew that Michael would be here to support me. After all, we have known each other for over 28 years and we have had many a roller coaster ride over the years. Through the good times and the bad, we love each other unconditionally. 

So, it seemed fitting that I should choose today to tell all my prayer warriors about how amazing Michael has been through my cancer diagnosis and treatments. 

I went to Mass this morning and the readings were all about God’s unconditional love for his people is like that of a marriage covenant. Even should a spouse forget the other, unconditional love will see them through above and beyond understanding. (Ezekiel 16: 1-15, 60, 63 and Matthew 9: 3-12)

With this said, Michael was with me from the start of this cancer stuff. Albeit in the parking lot outside of the ER for 7 hours the first night waiting for results as I was allowed to give them. He was there when I needed reassurance that treatments were covered under our insurance. He has taken on household chores more than he ever should after long days at work. He makes sure all the medical bills are paid (normally my job but I am not always able to focus enough to do this). 

So when he takes up the entire king size bed...or does not put the dishes away quite the way I like it.  Or chooses to find a distraction on his digital device of choice for a little longer than normal. Well, you learn real quick those things are not as important as you thought. 

Because most of all, he is patient with me when I am hyped up on steroids or loopy from chemo and pain meds. And he prays for me continuously and asks others to pray for me too. 

I am so thankful that this cancer happened at a time in our lives when Michael can be with us. He retired in December 2019 from the military. There was no military fanfare or hoopla. So after almost 30 years of service, he quietly came home to us just as he entered his service so many years ago. His family is so proud of him and glad he can be with us without worry of another deployment. Then taking on a civilian job that provides for us. 

God knew it was just one more part to the puzzle that makes our lives together whole.  I praise God for him!

Sibling Care and Celebrations

August 10 (Monday) ... I thought I would just post a quick update from the weekend. Not really much to say. Basically, I continue to learn to live with cancer. There will be good days and bad days. Some days I will feel tired. Other days I will feel pain. Some days I will choose to stay home and rest.  Other days I will choose to work through the pain and go out and enjoy the day any way. 

This weekend I was able to enjoy my two younger brothers who visited from Austin. 

Then I spent a fun day geocaching after solving puzzles for the coordinates. It was a new series and we had to work fast. There were over 75 caches so it was a tough decision to go. In the end, I decided I could hurt no matter where I sat. Turns out I did hurt a little more than if I had sat at home, but it was too much fun to pass up. 

Sunday we enjoyed Mass in our new location. We weed a small but joyous group. It was also our Little Miss birthday so she was glad to have a blessing from Fr. Martin after Mass. I spent the day doing things to make her sure she had a happy day. A party will come later in the week. 

Now I rest with little to do but wait for healing. God continues to shower us with his love with little joys. May you also look for the joys in your life. 

God bless you all!!!

Calling on St. Michael

One thing that remains consistent for me (long before I found out I had cancer) is how I tend to wake up some time during the 3 o’clock hour every morning.  I call it my fight with the devil hour. Given that 3 o’clock in the afternoon is the time Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. I figure the devil wants to work in the darkness to do his dirty work. Sometimes I stay awake for just a short time praying. Other times I remain awake and pray for an extended time praying for the end of hate and evil that comes to mind. 

Through it all I always begin and end my prayer time in this hour with intercession from one of my favorites...St. Michael the Archangel.

August 6 (Thursday)... I would love to say it was a great day and I was able to enjoy some rest after my third round of chemo. However, whatever was causing me to have a reaction (I still think it is the steroids) continued to fight against me. 

I woke up this morning with a rash on both arms and now down both my legs. The rash is not painful or itchy so I waited to call the doctors office when they opened around 9am. 

I was also feeling very hyped and could probably run a marathon. So I took advantage of that and went grocery shopping on speed dial. I was determined to be finished during the same time little miss was in her tutoring session. Yes, i got it done with Sean’s help. So I guess that side effect was beneficial. 

By the time Nurse Practitioner (Dr. D is still out of town) got back with me, I was about to leave the second store. She told me that I should try taking Benadryl to relieve the symptoms and let her know if anything changed. So I purchased this on the way out of the store.

I got home with my loaded down car full of food. I know all of you caring souls are already thinking i did too much. And at that moment in time i would agree with you. I was shaking from the hyped up jitters so bad that I could not even read the label on the pill bottle for dosage. I was feeling like a drug addict needing a downer. Well, in comes my downer...Benny!  I took him and I was crashed in my sun room in minutes. 

I woke up three hours later and spent another hour in prayer before I was able to get up with any sense in my head. 

All i can say is my body is not used to this “joy ride.”  When I meet with Dr. D again we are going to have a serious talk about these meds. I discussed with mom and I can only think of one other time I was on steroids and that was when I had a severe case of poison ivy on my face. I don’t think these steroids agree with me. We will see. 

Added to the fun mix of the day was some issues that I will deem TMI. So I spent the rest of the day trying to just be reminded that I am a sick person. 

My mom laughed at me when I was curled up in a ball on my bed saying “There are sicker people in the world than I am.”  Her response...”But you are still a sick person. No matter how you think you feel. It is OK to admit you are sick too!”  Oh, I know she is right but it is so not in me to be sick. This is my biggest battle which comes from within to be a fighter but know my limits. 

At the end of the day, I think the meds balanced each other and the rash reaction is gone. Tomorrow I will stay close to home in prayer. And I now have until the last week of the month to rest and have some normalcy without treatments.

I almost forgot about our fun family dinner. August 6 is the traditional day to celebrate the Transfiguration of the Lord. And our family started a fun dinner tradition several years ago. We pull out all the leftovers in the fridge and take turns creating individual meal with what is available. The rule is you must eat whatever you make. At the end of the meal, we determine who had the most creative use of the leftovers. 

We call this our transfiguration leftover night. What better use of leftovers turned into something new and often better!  

So we had the extra bonus this time because our amazing friends brought us such a great salad bar the night before. We had lots of choices for making some great mini dishes!  I think everyone did a great job creating a new meal!  However my favorite was Sean’s quiche!

The best part was it was no work for me or my mom. We just pulled out the food from the fridge and watched the creativity with little effort on our part. A good way to end this crazy day. Yay!

Helping Others

August 5 (Wednesday)... chemo treatment ended better than it began...and so I made it through my third round with little worse than a skin rash. Not bad considering what I see others going through on any given day I am there at the center. 

I praise God for helping me through it. And pray for those who I can as I hear their stories. Today I sat next to a first timer. She had just gone through this with her mother two years previous so now the roles have reversed. She also works for a local school as a counselor and she sees the need to have children back in school so she can help them. She is also determined to help the teachers to have success. God bless her as she continues to nurture while she needs the nurturing. 

Another big praise for my nurses who made me comfortable and watched me close. I made it through the last stick of this round with only a slight hiccup and then smooth sailing. Then the slight rash on my arm in the last 30 minutes of treatment. 

I had a date for the port to be installed for next week but I am going to postpone for a week because I have some special guests coming next week. Nurse Sweetie explained I might be a little sore after port is in place and I don’t want that next week. I don’t have another treatment until the end of the month so I think a week delay will be OK. 

We happened upon our dinner for the evening while waiting for Little Miss at tutoring. It worked out nice for Sandy and Cheri to call at just the right time to deliver our meal so they only had to drive around the block instead of all the way out to our house. They created the most amazing salad bar for us!  And the leftovers are also going to help us with a family tradition for tomorrow. A big thank you to them!  

Spent the evening on my roller coaster steroid ride before crashing into a hard sleep. I am now up just long enough to write this post before hopefully going back to sleep. 

God bless to all of you!

Finding Ways to Make it Work

August 4 (Tuesday)... After yesterday, I was determined to speak to a doctor before another treatment of chemo. Thankfully, my chemo nurse was determined also. Nurse Cindy called me early in the morning and asked what we were we going to do about this problem. I love my nurses!!  

So I told her I was just about to dial the phone when she called and I would let her know the plan as soon as possible. Then I called my radiologist who performed the procedure last week. It took a bit to get Dr. Brandon on the phone due to his busy schedule. However, he was very concerned and apologetic that I was in any pain or discomfort. He prescribed some meds to help with what now appears to be a reaction to the bandage adhesive. I have never had this problem before but I am told sensitivity can occur over time. It does appear to be more like a burn that then spreads across the area. Hopefully the meds will help relieve this issue. 

This conversation happened as I was being taken to my chemo treatment but I called Nurse Sweetie to let her know that chemo treatment could continue. She told me she was going to watch me close because she still had concerns about the reaction on my arms from previous day. Also, she had Nurse Practitioner on standby to talk to me as soon as I arrived. 

We all came together and determined the chemo treatment would continue and see if I reacted again. Nurse Sweetie stuck to her plan and watched me so close throughout the process. I only had a mild reaction that seems to be related to the steroids not the chemo treatment. So we will need to re-evaluate the amount I am given for the next round in three weeks. 

Also, I had a long conversation with the tech who started my IV. It is not looking good for my veins and I will likely have a port before the next round of treatments. I just need to make it through one more poke tomorrow to finish this round. I sure hope he will be there again for me tomorrow. 

While I was in chemo, my mom had decided to find a place for a late lunch. Turns out there is a little BBQ spot around the corner. She arrived after the rush and was able to have the place to herself. The owner even came out and talked with her while she enjoyed her meal. She was even given a hard to resist peach cobbler. She stayed long enough to avoid the hot car for most of my treatment. She told the owner she would be back in three weeks. He said that would be great!  Yay!!!

We were on our way home when we got the message that Lucy was bringing us dinner. The timing was perfect, as we arrived a minute before she pulled up to the house. Glad to give her the update of the day and chat about other things. 

I texted with another childhood friend today and so many memories flood back to those youthful joys and dreams. I think we did pretty well for ourselves being small town girls. Right, Cynthia?  We both are starting another year of teaching with concerns about what it will be like for our students but determined to make the changes needed to make it work. I pray special prayers every day for all the teachers across Texas and the nation. 

A restful evening before calling it a day, which ended with family prayers full of praise and thanksgiving. And also many prayers lifted up for my prayer warriors as we know that you all have needs too. Remember God loves you and is there for you. And know that I love you too!  

God bless you all!!

Dealing with Unneeded Difficulties

August 3 (Monday)... today was a little rough. I woke up with a rash where they entered my body for the procedure last week. I knew I would see the doctor before the chemo treatments so I let it go and got ready to leave. 

My mom had her own doctor’s appointment so she stayed home and Henry took me to mine. I am back to not driving this week due to last week procedure.  When I arrived for my appointment, I found out Dr. Drengler was out of town and I would be seeing NP Wendi instead. 

The nurse also had trouble finding a vein when trying to set up IV for the day and draw blood for labs. This has never happened to me. I have always had beautiful veins that are easy to find and share my life giving blood. Now I am forced to sit back in a chair and pray they find any place on my arm or hand. For those of you who suffer from this problem, I am so sorry this happens to you. I also pray that my veins can repair themselves. Through it all, I tried to remain patient as I do not blame the nurse today for not being able to be successful on  the first attempt. Eventually, she found the spot on the arm I had originally asked her to try and we were back on track. 

As you can imagine I was a little frustrated and I then moved to the exam room to wait for NP. If you have been following my story from the beginning, you know that I have had to come to terms with my respect and patience with NP. Today I realized she was trying to help as best she could under the circumstances. 

She listened to my frustration over the IV. When I suggested I might be ready for a port, she told me she would need to clear this with Dr. Drengler when he returned. This means I will have to go through this week being stuck again each day. 

Then I talked with her about the rash that had only become worse over the last couple of hours. She examined the area and determined it was a reaction to the adhesive on the bandage. I have never had a reaction to tape or adhesive. However, she insisted it was the shape of a bandage. She encouraged me to take Benadryl when I got home and she would order a topical cream as well. Then off I am sent to start my third round of chemo. 

I blame myself a little bit here. I should have been more firm. I could have even insisted on seeing an on call doctor but I wanted to get on with chemo so I left NP behind and continued to chemo. I did tell Nurse D for the day about my concerns and she told me that we would take things slow and watch for any further reactions. 

All was well for the first hour.  Then I started noticing my arm turning a slight shade of pink above the IV line. When I pointed it out to Nurse Diane, she said I should avoid scratching. <SIGH> I don’t think I was scratching. Then fifteen minutes later the arm is completely pink down to my knuckles which were bright red. Before I can get the attention of the nurse my other arm is also affected. She says that we should stop the chemo but it probably is not related one to the other. Maybe the chemo just caused the earlier reaction to flare up.  

Regardless of what caused what ... I would need to stop treatment until a determination was made on what to do. This meant contacting NP. Her answer was to prescribe Benadryl and Pepcid. By the time Nurse Diane had these meds ready, the redness had spread to my neck. Sweet Jesus, help me!  I was not in pain or discomfort. I would not have known the redness had gone to my throat if she had not told me. Although I had felt my neck grow warm. I know she was afraid for the worst. I just tried to stay calm but I also remained frustrated because this concern and treatment should have happened before I even had the chemo treatment. Do I dare to say hindsight is 20/20?  

It took over an hour to gain control of the situation. I am not quite sure how the reaction to my groin area affected the other reaction in my arms and neck. The area in my groin still remained a blotchy rash and itchy. The most frustrating part is no one knows why any of it happened. I sit here at home now and still have the problem in my groin area. In the morning, I will need to decide how I can find a doctor to listen to me. 

The medicine given was enough to convince the nurse that I could proceed. I was glad to make it through the chemo without further reaction. Needless to say, I did not stay around and chitchat. I was out the door running. 

I felt terrible for Nancy, who arrived to pick me up and had to wait outside in the parking lot for an additional two hours. However, she was kind enough to wait. I was glad to be home. But also wired and trying to be patient...not doing a good job!  It did not help that my mom had her own frustrating day with doctors. She had a 10am appointment that was pushed aside for most of the day. She was eventually listened to and prescribed an antibiotic. Please pray for her to be well soon. 

Thankfully, we had pizzas delivered to us tonight courtesy of one of my prayer warriors we have never even met!  A big thank you to the pastors at Sandy and Cheri church. Lyn read my blog and wanted to help. So kind and generous. 

Reflecting on the day, things could have been worse. My frustration comes from lack of control in the situation and not being listened to on how my body feels. Please pray that the next two days we can figure out the problem. I don’t just want a cover up or band-aid fix. I want to know what is causing the reaction.  What changed from the time I was at the radiation treatment?  

Thanks for reading my updates. Sorry this one is so long. So glad we can continue to pray for each other!!!  God bless you!!

The Simple Days

August 2 (Sunday)...  I woke up with energy and determination. I knew the day before was an exceptional day but even with a great night’s sleep i wanted it to be a restful day. 

I did convince Michael to take me on a short ride to a new geocache so I could be one of the first to find. Yay!  

Then my mom and I just had a short list of items to pick up from the local stuff mart. So away we went. We really that it was going to be a quick shopping trip but we ended up in the store for two hours. We realize that gone are the days when we can zip from one side of the store to the other with ease. Although i know the masks are helpful, this adds to the burden. We often go on side aisles to stop and breathe without them. It is hard to decide if one big trip is better or several smaller visits. All we can say for sure is that we were worn out!!  

So home again and glad for an easy meal and restful afternoon. Michael took Sean to Mass. Another opportunity to learn more about God and gather our little parish. 

Then the crew joined each other at the quiet movie theater to watch the original Ghost-busters. 

In the end it was a great day. And I did get the rest I needed. 

Tomorrow the third round of chemo treatments begin. I am well in my soul and I am ready. 

God bless you all!!!

Praising God for Worship

 August 1 (Saturday)... a new month and already a big change. I have been waiting for this to happen for almost 18 months and I felt like I was somewhat abandoned in my desire for it to happen. However, as I continue to learn, everything happens in God’s timing. I feel that our finally connecting with the priest for the new parish yesterday was such a blessing. 

We have struggled for the last seven months with what to do about Mass which is so important to me. My mom and I have continued online video version in order to keep ourselves away from various germs (not just this crazy virus). Michael continued taking the rest of the crew to Mass in person when available keeping their social distance. My mom and I truly miss receiving the Eucharist and no matter how we tried it just did not seem to be possible. 

When I spoke to Fr. Martin, I learned that in order to have Mass available in a pandemic he was going to use the old style circuit method. He wanted to go from home to home meeting the families interested in joining the parish. He would have this on Saturday evening vigil Mass to be the televised weekend Mass. I was happy to offer our home and he quickly agreed for tonight!  We could not have been more excited for this opportunity to celebrate Jesus in this special way. 

We also learned that the future location of our church building needed a little clean up. Fr. Martin would like to have daily Mass on location under the trees but there was a lot of undergrowth to remove. We joined a group of 20 this morning to make this happen. I became the designated photographer and safety person for the group. It was such a joy to be a part of the group and see the property up close. We began and ended with prayer in thanksgiving. 

Of course, we were all worn out but no time to rest. We came home to do some clean up as well. Strategically planned a dinner to share. Then we enjoyed a quiet afternoon of much needed rest. 

Fr. Martin arrived with our videographer for the Mass. We had time to chat as they set up. One item my mom was able to share for the Mass was a set of candlesticks and crucifix that was made by my great-grandfather. These items were used when they were settling in Post, Texas (one of the first families). There was not a local Catholic church so a priest rode the circuit from home to home in the area. We felt these pieces were so fitting for the occasion. 

Mass was more blessing than I could ever imagine. I continue to just be filled with such joy and feel like God knows my desires even more than I do. He shares his love for me in new and amazing ways. And Fr. Martin even offered to make our home a regular stop on his circuit.  Praise God! 

 

We then enjoyed a nice meal together. We stayed at the table long after the meal in conversation and getting to know each other. Toward the end of the conversation, Fr. Martin mentioned that he would offer to bless our home if it had not been done!  Finally...another desire met by this gracious pastor!  

By the end of the evening, we were exhausted and we probably had the best night’s rest. So glad to have such a joy-filled day. And also that I was able to have the energy level needed to make it to the end of the day. 

Many praises for the day. God bless to all!