The First Time I Realized God was with Me on this Ride

 April 24 (Friday)... I was sent in alone again (I actually drove myself to this appointment) but was met by a friendly cowboy with bandanna and all. He greeted me with a Howdy and God bless you!  I told him it was a serious place if he could get away with blessing people as they entered the building. He told me that if people did not like it, then they would need to tell him to his face (pulling down his bandanna for emphasis). He made me laugh as he checked my temperature. I have never seen this man since that first day. 

I proceeded to the appointment to have lab work done and then a visit with  Dr. Drengler. I was told I could have someone on the phone to listen and ask questions, so I asked a good friend who knew about cancer join me. We were prepared for a doctor speaking above our knowledge base and needed someone to help us weed through it all. Angie Artho was so kind to be that person. I so appreciate her giving her time that day. 

However, it turns out  Dr. Drengler knew how to talk on our level. Gave us the information we needed. Checked my organs externally. Told me that he knew he needed to see me right away because I appeared to have a rare liver cancer. We would need to to do some follow up testing to verify what he suspected. He was great!  He had a plan of action right from the start. I felt comfortable talking to him. A great start to begin the battle at hand.

I knew then that God was directing this roller coaster ride and I would ride it out until the end.  God would have a good ending for this story, which ever direction I was taken. 

I Need to Stop Making Assumptions

 April 22 (Wednesday). I wanted to meet with a priest so I made an appointment with the secretary and got in right away. I was a little leery but knew it was the right choice to visit the priest who I worked for even though we did not part on the best of terms. He is still an amazing priest and I wanted his prayers and experience. 

I guess I need to stop making assumptions. I assumed the secretary would tell the priest why I wanted to visit with him. Looking back now I think he might have got the impression I wanted my job back. I had not spoken to him in three months. I also started our conversation with a talk about how I know that God’s plan is not the same as ours. Everything happens for a reason. 

When I realized he had know idea what I was trying to say, it dawned on me that he really had no idea why I was there. So I told him straight out that I most likely had some form of cancer and I wanted him to pray for me. He was quite surprised and said he was shocked. I told him we were all shocked but this was the path I was on now. 

We spoke for quite some time about God’s will and prayer. He promised to pray a St. Jude novena for me. We left each other with little fanfare. No welcoming me back to the parish. No anointing. I felt a little let down but satisfied that God is bigger than us all. I was still being taken care of regardless.

Later in the day I was called by the oncologist liaison. She took my general information and insurance. She verified that all the reports were turned in for her to review from the ER and primary doctor. She then told me she would present my case to the oncologist. If he chose to take my case an appointment would be made with him. 

That was probably the only time I felt a little stressed. Can doctors refuse to provide care?  Would there be enough information provided for him to make this choice?

In the end, I gave this over to God. Prayed the right doctor would be there for me. My God did not fail me!  He is so good!  I was at peace again. 

The next afternoon the liaison called and  Dr. Dr was now my oncologist and he wanted to see me as soon as possible. 

 Praise God!!

A Trip of Confusion at the Doctor's Office

 April 21 (Tuesday). I got an appointment to be seen for a referral. I think the messages got mixed up in translation and I was viewed as a new patient coming in for a initial consultation. I think that is a little strange because who would do that in the middle of a pandemic but that is how they were treating me. I was so clueless though because I assumed it was just their routine since i had not been seen in six years. I assumed once I got to the doctor (actually saw a PA) then we would discuss the ER visit. 

I was a little surprised when he began asking me about routine testing and did not seemed concerned about the matter at hand. It was almost comical when he asked what brought me to the office and i told him about the ER visit. He had an assistant typing notes beside him. He stood up and starting backing out the door and said he would be right back. He grabbed his assistant on the way out. I wish I had a video because you could tell he was thrown off guard and did not know what to say to this calm woman telling him she had large liver masses who just wanted an oncologist referral. 

He came back in a few minutes later and said an oncologist would be calling me within 24 hours and I still should consider following up with these other routine checks. 

So that was my primary doctor appointment. Short and sweet and I obtained what I really needed. So I guess it was a positive experience.

How Will We Move Forward?

 April 19 (Sunday) I spoke to my mom because she woke up before the others. She knew it was serious right away and wanted to know what I was going to do. 

Let me say...I am not against medicine. Some people think I am because I have the view that if I am not sick then there is no reason to go to doctor. I do regular female checks (but I was behind on these also) and if I knew of any medicinal check point I would have done them but had not reached any of those points yet. The last doctor visit was in 2014 because I suspect I had a thyroid issue. I was told then I was just having the old “female” issues and no concerns to worry about. The PA offered me diet pills and I refused. Started exercising more and eating healthier. We were already healthy eaters with only a few occasions eating out and rarely eating processed foods. My decision was to limit my portion sizes and take more hikes. It seemed to help so all was back on track. 

Jump forward back to what my plan would be now. I told my mom I was still considered a patient so I would call for follow up with this same doctor and have a referral to oncologist. No big deal. 

I woke up the children later in the morning so we could follow our Mass of choice and then sat them down and told them what I knew which was very little. I even showed them a diagram of the abdominal organs. My lovely teen commented that everything did not need to be a science lesson. We laughed and everyone went about their day. All was well.

A Trip to the ER and the "C" Word?

 April 18 (Saturday) my mom was determined I go to ER so she contacted my brother (Damian) who is an ER nurse. He convinced me that I was taking a bigger risk not going to ER. He said the symptoms sounded like gall bladder and I should go immediately. Always the mother, I told him I wanted to wait until Michael was home (he was working a Saturday shift), children were fed, and we had put the littles to bed. 

So around 8pm, Michael drove me to the ER. He was not allowed to enter hospital as a non-patient. So he waited in parking lot. I entered thinking worst case scenario was I would have gall bladder surgery. 

I entered the waiting area and there were only two other brave souls (or very ill) who were willing to take the chance and go to ER. 

I was seen within 30 minutes and I was told right away that my vitals looked great. My pain level was a 6 out of 10 so would I like some morphine. I laughed and told them I don’t even take Tylenol for headaches and I would be OK. They put me on an IV and thought I need to be hydrated. 

Within an hour I was meeting the doctor and he wheeled in a portable ultrasound. Upon examination, he told me all looked great with my gall bladder. Good news!  But he thought my liver looked enlarged. Not so good!  

He asked if I would like further testing. i said he could do whatever he felt necessary to find answers. So off I went to CT scan, blood work, and more precise ultrasound. These tests took some time. I did not finish these tests until 2am. 

The doctor came in around 4am and told me that I had large masses in my liver. There was nothing else he could do for me in ER. I needed to follow up with my primary care doctor and set up a referral with an oncologist. 

He never mentioned cancer. But I guess it was implied. I remained serious about it all and just thanked him for all he had dine to help me. He asked to shake my hand and again offered morphine for the pain. 

In fact, the last thing done for me before discharge was to remove the IV. The nurse came in and said the doctor wanted to offer me morphine one last time before removing the IV. I guess that was the only comfort he felt he could give me. 

I thank him and the hospital staff for their care and setting me at ease throughout this first night of discovery. I never felt alone and they were kind throughout all the tests. 

Michael (bless his heart) waited eight hours for me in the parking lot with very little information. We were both glad to make it home and have a little sleep before the others woke up for Sunday Mass.

An Easter Revelation and a Blessing

The second week of April I was not feeling well with very little energy. For those who watched our live Seder meal, you probably did not even notice I was not well because my goal was to make Holy Week special no matter how bad I felt. 

By April 11 (Holy Saturday) I was doubled over in pain on my right side. I remember telling Michael that if I was not better in the morning he would need to take over Easter traditions and I might need to go to hospital. He suggested a heating pad and i fell asleep with it on my side. I prayed that I would not ruin Easter with a trip to the ER.

April 13...the pain was back. And by Thursday, April 16, the pain was so bad that I became nauseous and wanted to stay in bed. My mom really wanted me to go to the doctor. I told her if the pain continued I would go to the doctor. Friday and still in pain so I started talking doctor visit but I was concerned about the corona virus. Would it be safe to go?

I chose to stay home and rest.  I just could not risk a deadly virus because of a pain in my side.